


I know you ain't praying when you get on the floor for me

by TalesoftheEnchantedForest



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Established Roman/Janus, Explicit Sexual Content, Infidelity, Janus cheating on Roman with his boyfriend's own brother, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Public Sex, Sexting, Top Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:27:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25820584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesoftheEnchantedForest/pseuds/TalesoftheEnchantedForest
Summary: Janus was everything that Remus was dreaming about. Strong, sarcastic, charming, independent and sinfully handsome. There was something in the way Janus kissed him like nothing else mattered, or how the other boy sucked on his neck that made his knees go weak. There was only one problem with Janus.He was dating his brother.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 33
Kudos: 120





	1. 'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to finally post this story that I've been working on for months now! ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)  
> I had this idea and I really wanted to make it a reality, so here it is!!! ^w^
> 
> **|| Please note that this story will contain explicit sexual content (I'll put the warning up at the beginning of each chapter) and infidelity! As in, Janus is secretly fucking Remus behind Roman's back. If you are not comfortable with that, this might not be the story you were looking for. ||**
> 
> If you are still interested, have fun and enjoy the story! ❤
> 
> Ps, I will try to update frequently as I need to go over each chapter again because when I started to write this fanfiction Janus' name wasn't revealed yet so I used the name 'Damian' to refer to our favourite slimy snake.  
> Sidenote: The title and the names of each chapter come from Chase Atlantic songs (They are an amazing band, you should check them out!).

„Hurry up, bitches, I’m already late!” 

Roman tore open the SUV’s door before crawling onto the backseats with a rather annoyed boy behind him. Roman was beaming at his fair-headed partner while the other sighed in resignation. 

„Are you sure that it’s a good idea?” The question was met with a rapid head-shaking from the slightly taller boy who took the other’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers as he leaned closer. 

„I assure you that everything is going to be fine. We’ve been together for 6 months now. My parents deserve to know the man who stole my heart.” Roman giggled at the beautiful sight of his boyfriend blushing. 

„You had me hooked the moment I saw you.” Janus whispered back, gaining an adorable smile from his handsome partner before the moment was ruined by the younger twin in the front. 

„I will puke into my lap from all this sweetness. Guys, in this car, I don’t want to hear any talking unless it is about something illegal or sexual.” Remus smirked at the distorted grimaces that his comment earned. 

„Ew, Re, you are disgusting!” Roman whined as he slumped back against his seat. 

„You know the saying: don’t do it if you can’t talk about it!” Remus smirked at the lovebirds through the rearview mirror before focusing his attention back on the road. Apart from constantly ignoring the speed limit, Remus was a fairly safe driver, hence Roman prefered to take advantage of the fact that his twin had a driving license. 

„What do you care what we talk about anyway? I’m sure you’re thinking about how you are going to bang that guy from the football team once you got us home.” Roman retorted, his hands still clasped in his boyfriend’s strong hold. 

„You bet! He’s an athlete so I’m going to enjoy every second of him choking me with his strong, muscular arms while I’m on my knees begging for his-” 

„TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” Roman shouted hysterically while he tried to cover his ears. The boy beside him was temporarily coloured crimson – an actually usual occurrence when Remus drove the pair somewhere. 

„You brought it up,” Remus chuckled, his eyes trained on the shorter boy as he decided to stare out the window at the passing houses with similar flower-planted gardens and pools bigger than some people’s apartments. The twins were blessed with rich parents, and they tended to take advantage of their privilege. No wonder why some students hated Roman and Remus. They were also greatly feared, mostly Remus, because he wasn’t afraid of physically hurting somebody even if it came with serious consequences. However, if somebody dared to hurt his brother – that person should prepare for the worst fate that could befall upon men. Despite all this, some boys in the school still found Remus’ aggressive behaviour quite attractive, just like that senior in the football team who swore he was hetero but still let Remus give him a blow job during the lunch break. 

„Isn’t this the third time in the last two weeks?” Roman inquired, his tone changing from irritated to mocking. „You usually ditch them after the first one. Two times tops. This guy must be special.” 

Remus snorted at that but couldn’t keep his eyes from flipping up to meet the fair-headed boy’s gaze in the rearview mirror. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the younger boy broke the intense stare contest and instead turned to Roman with unexpected fierceness in his eyes: 

„I think we are ready to take the next step, so yes, I will gladly meet your parents.” 

Roman smiled into the kiss they shared afterwards, shamelessly slipping his tongue into the other boy’s mouth and moaning at the sensation. He tangled his fingers into the other’s hair, completely oblivious how the shorter boy remained unmoving in his hold. Janus’s eyes flicked open, meeting Remus’ threateningly dark stare. The other twins’ eyes were like fire, and the flames were fatal to those who dared to stray too close to the boy. He was dangerous and sinful. 

Janus loved it. 

  
***  


_6 months earlier_

_„What is that goofy smile? You look like someone who just got laid and I know for a fact that it is highly unlikely in your case.” Remus teased which only resulted in Roman smacking him on the head._

_„Shut up, slut.” He slipped into the backseat of Remus’ car before pulling his phone out excitedly. After 4 minutes of complete silence, Remus decided to pry a little._

_„Who are you texting? You haven’t looked up from your phone since you left the school building.”_

_Roman didn’t answer so Remus slammed onto the breaks, tearing the phone out of his brother’s hands in his moment of shock._

_„Remus!” Roman yelled at him but the other was too busy reading the text messages aloud:_

_„You like Disney, too? Tell me you think Disney should make a gay prince too, and I’m not alone on this. Blablabla… oh brother, you are so desperate!”_

_Roman finally succeeded in getting his phone back from Remus’ hands, shooting a death stare at his sibling before returning to his messages once again._

_„It’s none of your business.” Roman huffed and Remus had to laugh at his brother’s pouting face._

_„You were always a hopeless romantic.” Remus commented, restarting the car._

_„And you were always a whore.” Roman cut back, knowing very well that his brother couldn’t be offended by such words._

_„What can I say? I love me some D,” Remus replied, his brow furrowing when his brother kept ignoring his retorts. „Oh, you really like him. Who is it?”_

_„A new guy at the drama club.” Roman said, much to Remus’ surprise. He thought he would have to bribe Roman to get that information out of him. Maybe his sibling finally learned that it was easier to just give in and satisfy Remus’ curiosity before the other forced the information out of him._

_„What’s his name?” Remus asked now that Roman was so willing to cooperate._

_„Janus, and now, shut up!”_

_Remus scoffed, a small smile dancing on his lips._

_„Another innocent geek.”_

  
***  


Remus threw Janus onto the pool table. Standing between the other boys’ legs, he pulled Janus closer until he could feel their erections slide against each other. Both boys moaned at the feeling and Remus didn’t hesitate to slip his tongue into Janus’ hot mouth to swallow those glorious sounds right from the other’s throat. Remus’ whole body was buzzing with the adrenaline rush, his hands roaming on the shorter boy’s soft skin before settling on his thighs. Remus smirked when the other boy let out an impatient huff of air, clenching the taller boy’s shirt in his fists before tearing it open. 

„So needy,” Remus chuckled before his laughter was turned into a loud moan after Janus bit down on the sensitive skin of his shoulder. „Marking me, huh? Possessive much?” 

„You talk too much.” Janus growled, then he turned back to that sweet spot that drove Remus absolutely crazy. He loved it when the usually reckless and dominant boy lost control. All because of him. 

Janus kept sucking on the bruise before continuing his way down to Remus’ collarbone and then to his chest. He wanted to leave as many marks as he could for the boys that would later use Remus’s body for their personal pleasure. He knew that Remus was fooling around with other guys and he knew that he shouldn’t feel so infuriated and betrayed by the other’s actions but it still hurt to hear Remus boast about his flings when his group of friends were nagging him to spill. Even if Remus refused to share the details – out of respect for his nightly partner – it still left an aching sore in Janus’ heart to know that there was someone else touching the older boy. 

Remus didn’t belong to him and he didn’t belong to Remus. He was Roman’s. Still, he liked to pretend that it was just the two of them. Whenever they stole passionate kisses when no one was watching, or when they hung out for hours in secret just so that they could be away from prying eyes. Janus was well aware that he could just end things with Roman. However, that would not only leave the sometimes overemotional and romantic boy utterly devastated, but it would also be an irrational idea. Roman was his chance at happiness. He was supportive, sweet and ambitious. Dating Remus would mean losing that security. Janus would never throw away his current relationship for something as unpredictable and an unstable as Remus. Plus, Janus didn’t trust Remus fully. He loved sex and refused to commit to one person only, so what was the chance that he wouldn’t cheat on Janus once they actually got together. Remus was immature, he didn’t take things seriously and he often acted on impulse. Janus couldn’t take the risk of losing him and getting his heart broken. 

Roman didn’t deserve this. But this was only temporary. Soon, Remus would leave him for someone more exciting, or maybe Janus would get bored of him. In both scenarios, they will end up following their separate ways. Janus had to know that Roman would be there once Remus disappeared from his life. 

  
***  


_5 months ago_

_The house was full of drunk high school kids that Remus didn’t even know. It was a regular party that they organised every month when their parents left the house to spend a whole weekend together. That tradition was probably the reason they were still together after so many years. Nevertheless, the twins would have been foolish not to seize the opportunity to relax a bit in the absence of their parents. They were also responsible enough to clean the house afterwards, so their parents were most likely still in the dark._

_This party, however, seemed to get more and more interesting._

_„So, when can I meet your so-called boyfriend?” Remus grinned at his brother, slightly intoxicated but still aware of his surroundings and in control of his actions._

_„His text said that he was at the pool.” Roman answered while putting his phone in his back pocket._

_The siblings made their way outside, Remus trying to hide how curious he was about the boy that Roman was going on and on about non-stop. There were so many people there, all of them either dancing in the crowd with a paper cup in their hands or having a great time at the pool where some juniors have started a water fight. It was getting dark, but Remus could still see the boy Roman was heading to._

_Remus’ eyes widened at the sight._

_This guy was gorgeous._

_He was smaller and thinner than the twins but his physic was still in good shape. His fair hair was hidden under a black bowler hat and he was wearing a black cardigan that embraced his body perfectly. His beige trousers were held up by braces, his outfit completed by black loafers that Remus immediately despised but he could let that one imperfection slip. Not a usual party attire, but his uniqueness definitely grabbed Remus’s attention._

_The boy turned around – mostly likely in search of Roman – so he was facing opposite the twins when they reached his corner of the garden. Roman wrapped his arms around the other’s abdomen from behind and pressed a smooch on his right cheek. The boy squirmed in his hold before turning around and flashing a sly smile at his boyfriend._

_That was the moment Remus stopped breathing. Previously he could only see the right side of the boy’s face but now that he got a good look on the other, he was rendered speechless. Light patches of skin adorned the left side of his face, eyes shining with mischief and reflecting the lights of the dark garden. Remus could only stare and marvel at his utmost beauty._

_Roman and the boy broke apart, their intertwined hands swinging between them as Roman turned towards his twin brother:_

_„Remus, this is Janus. My boyfriend.” Roman beamed like a child on Christmas Eve, but Remus couldn’t remove his eyes from the male beside his brother._

_The boy – Janus – dragged a scrutinizing gaze over him, Remus’s body slightly shivering at the cold stare. Then, Janus smirked up at him with such confidence and mischief that the action itself ultimately sealed Remus’s fate._

_He was so fucked._

  
***  


_Remus wanted to puke. Or stab his eyes out._

_His brother and his boyfriend had been making love-sick eyes at each other for twenty minutes now as they retold the story of their first meeting. It was all cute and sweet how they bumped into each other at the school theatre, Roman immediately winning Janus’ heart over with a Disney quote he muttered out of embarrassment. Remus should be awarded for his ability to wear a fake smile for the whole time being while a little voice in his head kept screaming at him to just punch his brother in the face or maybe throw himself into the pool and drown. Now that would have made a memorable party._

_After a few more minutes, Roman’s other friends arrived so the couple could repeat the whole fairytale from the beginning. That was Remus’s cue to leave the scene while he still had the chance, grabbing some alcohol on his way back into the house and dogging the random teenagers making out in the hallway. He lost track of time, but he eventually sauntered into the kitchen with a little bit more booze in his system than usual, spotting a familiar face in the open area._

_„Did you get fed up with my brother already?” Remus cackled, his smile widening at the sight of Janus’ irritated frown._

_„No…”_

_„Convincing.”_

_„Look, Remus, right?” The other snapped, stepping away from the glass door leading to the pool. „Why don’t you go and mind your fucking business?”_

_Remus raised an eyebrow at the sudden change of attitude. This guy looked much calmer upon first meeting but we all know what they say about first impressions. Nevertheless, Remus liked his energy and the way his eyes became darker in the dim light of the room._

_„Damn, so feisty! I like it!” Remus cheered, while the other awarded him with an exaggerated eye roll._

_„What got you so rilled up?” Remus chatted, throwing himself up on the kitchen counter and looking down at the very unimpressed boy opposite to him._

_„Roman’s friends.” Janus gritted out bitterly before realizing how harsh his words had sounded and changed his tone to a much softer one. „They… They probably know him from a long time ago so I understand why he spends so much time talking to them-”_

_„You mean talking to Virgil.” Remus corrected, spotting the underlying meaning behind the other’s words. Janus’ head snapped up at him, his eyes narrowing in surprise._

_„How did you-”_

_„Don’t think you’re the first boyfriend that Virgil doesn’t approve of.” Remus retorted with a knowing smile on his face. „They have been best friends since kindergarten, and I swear they are almost as inseparable as the words ’Netflix’ and ’chill’. Yes, they bicker like an old married couple but there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for each other. I advise you get on Virgil’s good side because if he doesn’t support your relationship-”_

_Remus let the implication of his sentence linger between them while Janus contemplated the news in silence. He looked pensive for a moment, before shaking his head and stepping closer to where Remus’s feet were hanging off the kitchen counter._

_„And you? Do you support our relationship?” The boy asked, not accounting the other twin’s opinion for much but still trying to start a friendly conversation since Roman was so busy with his friends._

_„I don’t care who my brother is banging.” Remus shrugged as he took a sip from his drink. He wasn’t even sure what was in the cup anymore._

_„Wow, I can just feel the familiar love oozing off of you. Must be the sibling of the year.” Janus derided, „But what should I expect from someone who couldn’t even say one coherent sentence when we met.”_

_Remus scrunched up his nose, not really affected by Janus’ words. He was used to being misjudged for his behaviour, after all._

_„Don’ take it out on me, snake.” Remus said, understanding how frustrated the other might be. There was no reason in hurting him any further._

_„Snake?” Janus looked perplexed and Remus would have laughed if his head hadn’t been spinning like crazy._

_„Yeah, you’re always hissing, you look like…like you want to choke somebody right now and I wouldn’t be surprised if you started spitting venom on me from how much you must despise me so- yeah.” Remus gave him a sloppy smile, staring into his eyes until he noticed the flush creeping up on Janus’ cheeks._

_„Why do you keep staring at me?” The boy questioned, visibly uncomfortable. Remus liked it when he had a direct effect on others. He was curious to see how much he could achieve with someone as stubborn as Janus._

_„How could I not stare at you?” Remus started in his usual flirty manner. „You’re-”_

_„An abomination?”_

_Remus had to blink a few times for the words to settle in._

__

__

_„What?”_

__

__

_„I have segmental vitiligo,” Janus explained, previous hostility returning. „I’m not an alien.”_

__

__

_Remus huffed in amusement, liking the way the other’s eyes lit up when he was angry._

__

__

_„Cool your tits. I only wanted to say you look gorgeous but I guess some people can’t take a compliment-” Remus murmured the last words into his drink, looking over the glass to see the other boy avert his gaze in embarrassment. **Oh, how cute.** _

__

__

_„Flirting with your brother’s boyfriend? Isn’t it even low for someone like you?” Janus spoke up, the teasing voice from their first encounter reappearing._

__

__

_„Honey, I flirt with everybody. Don’t think you’re special.” Remus shot the other a smug smirk, bending down so Janus could hear him over the music. Janus looked bothered at the proximity, his posture tensing up along with his handsome face._

__

__

_„Why are you so tense?” Remus whined, seizing a drink from the pile on the counter and handing it to the other boy. „Here, have a drink.”_

__

__

_„Yeah,” Janus eyed the drink with disgust written on his face. „I will definitely drink something that a stranger offered me without any hesitation.”_

__

__

_„I’m not a stranger!” Remus objected._

__

__

_„You could have still mixed something into this. Sex drugs or something.” Janus argued which only made Remus throw back his head in exasperation._

__

__

_„ **My God,** now I see why my brother is so hooked up on you. Both of you are such drama queens!” Remus burst out, hopping down onto the kitchen tiles and getting extremely close to the other boy. _

__

__

_They locked eyes in the faint light of the room, something akin to tension filling the air but Remus couldn’t quite grasp the reason for his short-coming breaths. Their stare contest continued for a few more seconds (or minutes, who knows?) before Janus’ small voice broke the silence._

__

__

_„Do you always act like this?” It wasn’t meant to be hurtful. It was playful, teasing. Remus felt his blood boil in his body._

__

__

_„Do you always have a stick up your ass?” He retorted, getting drunk all over on the feeling of Janus’ eyes raking over his body._

__

__

_„Now I get what Roman meant when he told me you were crazy.”_

__

__

_Silenced settled between them once again. Despite the music coming from outside, Remus could still hear the sounds of rapid breathing coming from the other boy, mixed with the thunderous hammering of his heart. They were playing with fire, and Remus didn’t know if he wanted to get burnt._

__

__

_„If you don’t trust me, then here,” Remus turned around to retrieve a new cup and an unopened can of beer. He poured out the drink and wiggled the cup in front of Janus with a confident smirk. „Just take a sip and relax.”_

__

__

_Janus’ eyes shifted down from Remus’s eyes to the drink still held between his hand then back up, contemplating his choices. Remus could see the exact moment of his victory before Janus grabbed the cup out of his hand and took a generous sip from the beer. Remus’s gaze followed the movement of his Adam’s apple as it bobbed with every swallow, suddenly intrigued if the other had a gag reflex._

__

__

_„Now, excuse me,” Remus announced, „but I have an experiment to carry out.”_

__

__

_„What kind of experiment?” Janus asked with a cautious look. Remus’s maniac smile was not the answer he was hoping for._

__

__

_„Let’s just say it involves a bottle of coke and mentos.”_

__

__

_Once Remus was sure that Janus could no longer see him, he ran up the stairs as fast as he could and locked the door to his bedroom. He had an urgent problem to take care of._

__

__


	2. You're buried in the pillow, yeah you're so loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had no thoughts left, just sheer desire that zeroed his senses down to Remus. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Only Remus’s hot touch, his open-mouthed kisses, his whispers of encouragement along with those reassuring and endearing words, those hands that mapped his body a million times before and still found new spots to admire, that wet mouth and tongue that worshipped his body and gave him a sense of pleasure that was beyond measure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ! This chapter contains SMUT, and smut only !  
> (However, it could be skipped as it doesn't add anything major to the plot.)
> 
> I think I corrected Janus' name in each sentence, but please, let me know if you find any mistakes!  
> I hope this part is not too cringey, and at least somewhat enjoyable. ^_^ I'm still practising writing smut.  
> I don't think there should be any other warning since it's only vanilla but tell me your opinions!  
> Otherwise, enjoy!

"You're not disturbing me in the slightest." Janus gritted out between his teeth as he tried to reinforce his attention on his Spanish homework. 

"I'm glad." Remus chuckled before he leaned down to leave tender kisses behind Janus’ ear. His body was hovering over the other boy's form currently laying on his stomach with arms perched up on the bed. He ground down slowly, feeling the other shudder below him as his clothed erection slid over the younger boy's lower body. Remus brought his lips down to Janus’ shoulder and let his warm breath leave goosebumps on the other's skin. He knew that Janus was craving for his touch, and he would gladly comply a bit later, once the other boy couldn't take the teasing anymore. His breath ghosted over Janus’ ear, letting the other hear how much of an effect he had on Remus while also keeping up his slow pace of dry humping. He heard the younger boy's breath hitch, a pleasant sign of anticipation. Then without any warning, Remus bit down on his ear, eliciting an involuntary moan from the boy underneath him. 

"You're such a good boy, Jan." Remus praised, satisfied with the hint of pink that blossomed on the other male's face. "Doing your homework like the clever boy you are. Not affected by any of this, right?" 

Remus ground his hips against the other's leg, bringing one hand down to stroke that gorgeous ass that had him sporting a massive problem for almost half an hour now. If anything was worth sinning for, then that was Janus’ backside. 

"Yeah... Not affected." The other boy breathed out heavily while he not so subtly rocked his hips against the mattress. 

"Na-ah, we have talked about this," Remus scolded him before placing a firm hand against the other's hips to stop them from moving. Janus let out a whine at the loss of contact, his homework laying forgotten beside him. 

"Fuck you, Remus, I need some friction since you’re taking your sweet time," Janus spat back, enjoying the feeling of Remus' fingers sneaking under his T-shirt and leaving feather-like touches on his way. 

Remus leaned closer then, supporting his weight with his hands as to not crush the younger boy. He made sure to lower his voice the way he knew would turn Janus on before speaking up: 

"Are you saying that I’m not satisfying you?" His voice was hoarse, the rich sound of it echoing inside Janus’ skull like a contagious tune he could never forget. Janus felt chills run down his spine but he tried to hide the obvious bulge in his pants that twitched upon hearing the older boy’s commanding tone. Remus loved it when Janus tried to control his body and failed to do so. The younger was inexperienced, therefore, he was much more responsive than any sexual partner Remus had been with before. 

"That's exactly what I meant." It was a lie - they both knew it. However, it still managed to reel Remus up, that sweet warm sensation in his abdomen intensifying. 

"I see you decided to act like a brat today," Remus growled, nails digging into Janus’ skin while he grazed his teeth down the other's back. "Such a pity! Imagine all the fun we could have if you just started to behave…" 

Janus tried to even out his breathing but it was impossible at this point. "Stop the fucking teasing or I will ’accidentally’ throw you out the window!" 

Remus had the nerve to snicker at his restlessness before grabbing the younger boy's shirt and pulling it off of him in a swift motion. 

"Eager, are we? This is the kind of cooperation I expect," Then he simply grabbed Janus’ Spanish book and threw it across the room. 

"REMUS!" 

The other's shout of anger was soon replaced by a cry of pleasure when Remus brought his hands around and started stroking Janus’ already half-hard member. The action had Janus finally give in to the temptation that was Remus. His hips buckled into the other's hand, uncaring about the fact that his pre-come had left a stain on his sweatpants that he would definitely need to wash out later. 

Remus was still grinding down on his ass, the double sensation driving him nuts, hence he couldn’t form coherent words at this point when all that could escape his mouth was desperate sounds of need. He wished he could control his body like the older boy could but he didn't have that much experience. His first time, after all, was with Remus and no one else had touched him like that ever since. 

Meanwhile, the older boy started travelling down his body, leaving wet kisses and light bite marks on his way, paying extra attention to the patches of light skin that adorned the boy’s body. Janus buried his face in the pillows to muffle the needy whines that slipped off his tongue but then again, he should have known better than to disobey his lover. 

"No way, my sexy little snake, I want to hear you." With that warning, Remus grabbed a handful of Janus’ hair and pulled it upwards, making the other whimper at the feeling. It didn’t really hurt, Remus knew what he was doing after all, but it sure as hell made all of Janus’ previous resistance vanish. 

"Remus, please," Janus pleaded softly, the older boy's cock jumping at the sight before him. In all honesty, he was also getting impatient and he did promise to satisfy his lover. Janus was so fragile but also passionate in nature, his pretence of innocent being in great contrast with the roughness of his words. So sweet and dark at the same time. His needy, sassy little toy. _Oh, but he was so much more than that, wasn't he Remus?_

The older boy shook his head slightly before leaning down to suck an impressive mark into the other's neck before flipping him over onto his back and continuing his abuse on the younger boy’s collarbone. Janus would have to cover that up later and even then, there was a chance that Roman might see it, but for some really twisted reason, that only made it even more exciting. 

Remus made quick work of getting Janus’ sweatpants off of him, the younger boy's leaking member springing out of its cage. Remus took a second to adore the view, the great work he made on the other's body, listening to those quiet whimpers and pleas that rolled past the younger's soft lips. Speaking of which, Remus had neglected those for far too long. He attached his lips to Janus’, ravishing his mouth and licking into the hot wetness before deepening the kiss. The two boys swallowed down each other's moans as their tongues fought for control. One of Remus' hands had stopped soothing the skin where he tugged on Janus’ hair before, opting to just card his fingers through the slightly longer locks. At the same time, his other hand wandered down to the younger boy's round ass, groping him and messaging the cheeks in the way that earned a series of grunting noises from the boy beneath him. 

Remus broke the kiss to snatch the bottle of lube from Janus’ bedside table. Luckily, the younger boy had finally followed one of his instructions and acquired the item after Remus had got bored of carrying a bottle with him every time he came over. Janus kept his eyes closed, his lips chasing the feeling of Remus’s mouth against his. The younger boy was confused at the absence of the other male’s warm body, but felt a wave of electricity run through him when he heard the bottle cap opening. Janus swallowed hard but kept his eyes shut, a mix of emotions still so new to him filling his body. He was sweating and panting hard from all the action and the best part was just yet to come. His hands were curled up in the sheets and he refused to remove them. He had to hold onto something, anything that would anchor him in the present. He had no thoughts left, just sheer desire that zeroed his senses down to Remus. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Only Remus’s hot touch, his open-mouthed kisses, his whispers of encouragement along with those reassuring and endearing words, those hands that mapped his body a million times before and still found new spots to admire, that wet mouth and tongue that worshipped his body and gave him a sense of pleasure that was beyond measure. 

„Relax, Jan. I don’t want to hurt you.” Remus comforted the boy while he settled back between his legs, hands drawing little circles on the other’s hips. „I’m going to prep you, just take it slow, no need to hurry.” 

Janus took a deep breath and nodded his head, giving the green lights for Remus. The other boy pushed one finger into Janus, both grunting at the feeling of the younger boy’s tight hole closing around the digits. Remus didn’t lie, he took his time with gently prepping the other. He slowly worked one then two more fingers into the boy spread out beneath him, kissing his way up from the other’s shoulder to his ears then repeating the same motion on the other side. His free hand moved forward to release Janus’ iron grip on the sheets and intertwine their fingers instead. The younger boy’s mewling sounds were symphony to Remus’s ears, encouraging him to open his fingers a tad bit wider and start scisorring the other’s hole. 

Remus' own cock was still trapped in his pants, the tightness getting more and more unbearable. When he bit down on the same bruise that he had made earlier, Janus finally snapped: 

„I’m ready, just get inside me already!” 

Janus’ impatient growl was all Remus needed before withdrawing his fingers and getting rid of the last garment between them. His pants and boxers were abandoned on the floor as he crawled back up to his lover, gently grabbing Janus’ arm, which lay over the other boy’s face to hide his flushed cheeks from his partner, and pulling them away with a soft kiss planted on the inside of Janus’ wrist. 

„Wanna see you, baby,” Remus murmured, smirking at the way a bright red flush appeared on the other’s face, his eyes darting away in embarrassment. He was so adorable. 

Janus looked back up at him with lust-filled eyes, chest heaving heavily as he raised a challenging eyebrow. Remus’s dick twitched at the confidence flickering in those dark irises, scrambling himself onto his knees and spreading the other boy’s legs to gain more space. He aligned his throbbing member with Janus’ entrance, chancing a glance back up for confirmation. The other male breathed out a quiet ’yes’ and Remus wasted no time with pushing into the other, loving the feeling of the other’s tight wall closing around his cock. They have been intimate with each other precisely three times before – not counting the almost hours-long makeout sessions-, but Remus still prefered to ease into the other’s hole slowly before starting a slow rhythm. He let Janus adjust until he felt fingers tapping on his arm, giving him the sign that the other was ready. 

Remus began his slow trusts, leaning down to flick his tongue across the other boy’s hot skin. Janus whimpered, hands closing around Remus’s neck to pull the other one even closer. He tried to wrap his legs around Remus’s waist in a desperate search of a better position. Remus let out a pleased growl when he managed to sink deeper into the other, speeding up his pace and slamming into the other more forcefully. Janus keened at the feelings, rocking back against Remus’s thurst as he felt that warm sensation build up in his stomach. 

„Fuck, Re-mus” The younger boy cursed, his hands sliding down to the other’s back and sinking his nails slightly into the flesh. 

„Ah-god-you feel so good, Jan.” Remus praised as their hips slammed against each other. 

They were both panting and wailing, the bed silently squeaking under the pressure while Remus rammed into Janus’ warm hole. The older boy felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge, his lover being in a similar state if his expressions were any indication. Janus’ mouth was hanging open in silent prayer and Remus swore he would get off on that image for days. Out of nowhere, Janus’ loud cry filled the room as the older boy succeeded in hitting his prostate and pushing the younger one over the edge. Seeing Janus come only by being filled up with Remus’s cock sent the older one into an ecstatic state. Remus’s whole body trembled as his orgasm hit him, his hips rocking back into the other and eliciting those beautiful sounds again. Janus squirmed and wailed because of his post-orgasm sensitivity, Remus’s groans filling his ears as he kept up his thrusting movements for a few more seconds. 

Eventually, Remus’s hips stopped buckling up and he finally slipped out of Janus, the younger boy letting out a whine at the sudden feeling of emptiness. Remus chuckled tiredly before removing the condom and tossing it into the bin. While he was still up, he grabbed a wet towel to clean them up since Janus would probably protest against moving for a long while. He returned to the other boy who was already wrapped up in blankets with his face resting peacefully on the pillows. Remus smiled at the boy fondly before stepping closer to the bed and pulling the blankets off of the younger boy. 

„Noooo-” Janus hissed, his mouth curling up into an adorable pout. 

„Baby, we gotta clean you up or you’ll feel very nasty later.” Remus explained softly while already cleaning the cum off of the other’s stomach. 

„’m alrevy nasty,” Janus mumbled, nuzzling his face into the pillows and earning a heartfelt cackle from his lover. „Feel so emptyyyyy” Janus complained, his nose scorching up. 

„Aww, somebody likes to be filled up.” Remus teased, the other glaring at him from behind his heavily lidded eyes. 

„Asshole,” He retorted while Remus put the towel away after finishing the clean-up. „I’m sleepy, come cuddle me!” 

Remus loved how bossy and affectionate Janus got after sex, so it was no surprise when he excitedly hurried back to the bed only to slip under the covers and have a handsome man immediately bury his face into his neck. Remus smiled down at the other, pulling their bodies closer together and dozing off to an hour of sweet, dreamless sleep.


	3. I'll be falling in lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus felt a droplet of sweat run down his face even though the temperature of the room was nowhere near hot. He was seated at an unfamiliar dining table with his boyfriend of 6 months, said boyfriend’s twin brother who he had been sleeping with for a month in secret, and their warm but sceptical parents who had been not-so-subtly interrogating Janus for half an hour now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've rearranged the chapters and I think it will be around 10.  
> This part is shorter and doesn't contain smut.
> 
> Please, let me know what you think or if you find any mistakes!  
> Otherwise, enjoy!

_4 months ago_

_„Come on, darling,” Roman coaxed while peppering light kisses on the side of Janus’ face. „It’s a classic.”_

_„I like Beauty and the Beast, Roman, but I’ve seen it a hundred times!” Janus explained, fixing his boyfriend with a stern look._

_„I wanted us to watch something romantic!” Roman pouted, using his infamous puppy eyes to manipulate his boyfriend. Sadly for him, Janus was immune to such tactics._

_„No way! I don’t want to see you two swallow each other’s faces while I’m nearby. We are either watching porn or nothing.” Remus stated, who was sitting at the other end of the couch with his phone in one hand, most likely looking into Grindr._

_„Remus, you ruined my date night. At least you could take my side.” Roman scolded his brother as Janus wrapped one arm around the other’s waist, bringing the boy closer and gently stroking his cheeks in sympathy. „You only watch The 100 on Netflix, and the only thing that actually convinced you to watch it was the fact that there is cannibalism in the fifth season!”_

_Remus giggled from his spot, completely ignoring his brother’s outburst as he kept his gaze strictly trained on his phone but nodded at the accusation in agreement._

_„You like the 100?” Janus spoke, surprising both boys._

_Remus raised an eyebrow in suspicion, trying to read the other boy. However, the twin could only detect genuine curiosity on the other’s face, encouraging him to lock his phone and scoop closer to the two boys on the couch._

_„Yeah, you too?” Remus inquired with a bright smile on his face, Roman’s face morphing into one of utter terror._

_„Oh no” Roman whispered but it was too late._

_The two boys launched themselves into a heated argument about who is the most badass character in the TV show. Remus claimed it was Octavia, recalling all of her fight scenes and hard leadership. Janus disagreed, going into a rant about how Raven had had to go through so many things, including dying and then reviving herself._

_„Traitors.” Roman whispered, sinking back into the couch with a freshly snatched jar of Nutella._

_  
***  
_

_  
_

_„Nice hat, who are you? Charlie Chaplin?” Remus joked as he sat down at his usual spot beside Janus at the cafeteria._

__

__

_„Nice moustache, who are you? Sportacus from Lazy town?” The other boy bit back, a teasing smile dancing on his lips as he started chewing his sandwich._

__

_„Touché,” Remus nodded as he took out a bottle from his backpack and placed it onto the table. Janus and all the others eyed the questionable liquid with uneasy until Roman finally spoke up from beside his boyfriend._

__

__

_„What the hell is that?!”_

__

__

_Remus shrugged, chugging half of the liquid down his throat._

__

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_„I have no idea!” He exclaimed in delight, earning disgusted faces from the people at the table._

__

__

_„Your stupidity will cost you your life, Remus.” Janus declared, concern well hidden behind his facade of nonchalance._

__

__

_„Natural selection.” Virgil muttered before jumping back into his interrupted debate with Roman about Disney villains. The others went on talking about upcoming school projects and performances, entirely oblivious to the stolen glances between the chaotic twin and a certain drama geek._

__

__

  
***  


Janus felt a droplet of sweat run down his face even though the temperature of the room was nowhere near hot. He was seated at an unfamiliar dining table with his boyfriend of 6 months, said boyfriend’s twin brother who he had been sleeping with for a month in secret, and their warm but sceptical parents who had been not-so-subtly interrogating Janus for half an hour now. He could hardly swallow any food but it was an excellent method of delaying the answer for a question he didn’t know how to answer, like ’What do you plan to do after high school?’, „How serious is your relationship with Roman?” or „Have you or any member of your family ever broke the law?”. 

He felt like leaving after the first two courses, but apparently, Roman’s parents wished to prolong his stay so they invited him for dessert, providing more time to torture the young boy. They were eating apple pie while talking about some lighter topics like theatre. Roman was animatedly going on and on about his favourite plays and retelling the story of their acquaintance when Janus felt a hand settled just above his knee. Janus wanted to scream and shy away from the touch but it would have drawn too much attention. Instead, he sent Remus a warning glare in hope that the other would have mercy on him just this once. No such luck apparently. 

Janus plastered a forced smile onto his face, trying to keep his breathing even as Remus started stroking his leg up and down. Occasionally, those delicate fingers danced too close to a certain area and Janus involuntarily squirmed in his place. 

„Are you alright, honey?” Roman’s mother – Evelyn – asked with a hint of confusion on her face. Janus didn’t trust his voice at the moment so he gave her a reassuring smile and a nod before turning his attention towards Roman. 

Remus wasn’t bothered by the fact that his parents were sitting a few feet away from him. Quite the opposite. He almost felt ashamed of how much the situation turned him on. Emphasis on ’almost’. He felt himself grow harder in his tight jeans, wishing that the dinner would be over soon so he could sneak out of the house and fuck the fair-headed boy senseless. Maybe he could let Janus top this time. 

All of these fantasies did no good for Remus in the current situation. Janus was in a similar state, his cock jumping at the momentary feeling of Remus’s fingers sliding down his member. Janus was now regretting his decision of taking a seat at the table first because if he had only waited for Remus to choose his place then he could have seated himself down as far from the other as possible. Now, his whole body was heating up from the desire that he felt for the boy, wanting nothing more than to have those strong hands holding him down in the darkness of his room. 

„Jan, you okay there?” Roman’s voice only registered a second later after Janus was torn away from his own fantasies, cursing himself in his mind for being so weak. 

„Your face is getting red.” His boyfriend looked concerned and Janus nearly jumped out of his seat when Roman took his hand into his own under the table. Roman gave his hand a light stroke and Janus couldn’t do anything else than chug down the sense of guilt and shame that stopped him from breathing for a second, and he smiled over to his boyfriend before an idea formed in his head: 

„I’m fine, my clothes are just too warm and after this delicious food… I just wanted to ask if I can sit near to the window, please?” 

Roman’s smile returned to his soft lips as he rose from his seat, shouting an ’Of course’ as he switched places with Janus, but not before Remus could swiftly remove his hands from Janus’ lap. Roman was now sitting between the two secret lovers, the younger boy sporting a subtle smirk that only Remus knew the meaning of. 

_Oh, Janus was so **not** going to top. _


	4. I know it's weighing on your conscience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus pulled away hastily, a bit of saliva glistening on his mouth. His eyes were dark with lust and need, his erection throbbing in his pants as he licked his lips, flashing a predatory smile at the other boy. Janus felt himself getting hard just by that look, his nerves standing on edge and warmth returning to his whole body.  
> „I want to blow you.” Remus admitted bluntly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's flashback time! More specifically, to Remus' and Janus' first time when their affair started. I hope you'll enjoy it! ^w^
> 
> Note: this chapter contains smut and public sex!

_1 month ago_

_Janus appreciated Roman’s gesture of letting him choose a movie for their date night. Unlike on other nights, they decided to watch something new that piqued both their interests at the local cinema. Roman was reluctant at first, due to his fear of not getting enough alone-time with his boyfriend. Luckily, Janus was the master of persuasion. He argued that if they pick a romantic movie – much to Roman’s delight – on a school night, then there was less chance of ending up in a room crammed with people. He also suggested a scroll in the nearby park prior to the movie. It was a small compromise, and one that eventually twisted Roman’s arm._

_However, when Roman announced his plans for Thursday night, his parents (reasonably) didn’t approve of his evening affairs. Roman tried his hardest to convince his usually understanding parents that staying out until 11 pm to watch a movie with his boyfriend was a completely normal teen experience that they were confiscating from him. Nothing seemed to change their mind, though, up until Remus appeared out of the blue and suggested going with Roman and Janus on a double date to supervise his brother. His parents were initially sceptical (for good reasons), but they finally gave in when Remus told them that he could take the boys by car so there would be less chance of them getting kidnapped._

_Roman was flabbergasted but no less thankful for his brother’s save. Janus, on the other hand, wasn’t a fan of the idea._

_„Come on, my love! It will be fine. We’ll just buy tickets in the front row, far away from my brother and his date.” Roman pleaded with his boyfriend while nuzzling his head into the crook of the other’s neck. They were currently cuddling in Roman’s bed, the older boy’s arm wrapping around Janus and stroking his hands in a soothing motion._

_„He thinks with his dick, Ro. We can’t trust him to take us home after the film ends when he could just go to the guy’s place and call it a night.” Janus said firmly in a hushed voice as to not break the quietness of the room._

_„He’s pulled some bad things before but he would never leave me alone.” Roman whispered, pressing a kiss to Janus’ shoulder. „Please, my king?”_

_And there it went. All of Janus’ resistance flew out the window the moment those two words left Roman’s mouth. That was Janus’ favourite pet name that his boyfriend had started using a few weeks ago and one which he took advantage of in situations where he really wanted to achieve something._

_„Fine.” Janus huffed out, his grumpy expression turning into a fit of laughter when Roman started tickling his sides. He was trapped in Roman’s arms while the other showered him with light kisses on his face, eyes, nose and ears. Janus was so caught up in the moment that he forgot why he had been scared of the evening in the first place._

_  
***  
_

__  


_Janus knew why he was scared of the evening in the first place. He didn’t know what Remus’ motives were, but they always seemed to be in connection with Janus. Roman’s brother was an infuriating and exhausting person to be around, that much was clear to Janus when they were first introduced to each other. What he didn’t expect was to find kindness and compassion under all that dirty layer. Yes, Remus was often rude and out-spoken with a big spoonful of recklessness and disregard for rules, but as Janus came to realize – there was much more to him than he led others to believe._

_The first thing Janus learned about him was that he was funny. Not in a normal sense, though, but the younger boy didn’t mind it in the slightest. Remus’s humour was dark and morbid, but he somehow knew how to make Janus smile and when to shut up. He was attentive and thoughtful, too – an unexpected trait, but a pleasant surprise. When other students started making fun of Janus’ hissing – a response he adopted in situations where he felt overwhelmed – Remus began hissing at others, too, and later, Virgil also took on the habit and was quite satisfied with the results. Surprisingly enough, Remus was the first to discover that Janus was dyslexic. He arranged a meeting between Janus and Logan that no one else knew about. Logan had a brother, Thomas, who also had dyslexia so Logan was able to help Janus to some extent. With a little nudge from him and Remus, Janus finally admitted his issues to the others and received nothing but love and support. Janus thought that ’thank you’ was not a good enough word to express his gratitude towards Remus, but that didn’t stop him from buying the twin a plush octopus since he knew that Remus was secretly obsessed with that animal._

_Therefore, a friendship was formed between them. A weird kind of friendship, but Janus could not complain. Still, when Remus started spending more and more time with him (and Roman), he couldn’t help but notice how the other boy’s eyes lingered on him whenever they made eye-contact. How the other male shifted closer to him when they stood in a group, or how he sought out his reactions first right after he told a joke._

_Janus was no fool, he recognised the signs when they were laid down in front of him. He just didn’t know how to deal with Remus’ evident interest in him, or how to stop the butterflies from awakening in his stomach upon seeing the older boy. Janus didn’t want to think about how much he wanted to be close to the other. To spend more time with him. To get to know him. To laugh with him about how screwed up society was. To hug him and cuddle him and slide his hands up his muscular arms until he reached that nest of a hair and just card his fingers through the locks as he leaned closer to the other while closing his eyes and feeling Remus’ breath on his lips and-_

_„You really had to buy tickets right next to ours?!” Roman growled, making Janus’ head snap up to the arriving pair. Remus and his date – a guy named Lucas – slowly approached the couple, the other twin hopping down onto the seat next to Janus with a wicked grin on his face._

_„Sorry, it wasn’t my call. You were there, you know that the girl at the register thought we were all together and gave us four neighbouring seats. Suck it up and watch the movie! And if I hear one word from you, I’m gonna pour my coke over your neatly styled hair!” Roman gasped at the threat, turning his body towards the canvas and ignoring his brother for the rest of the night._

_In the beginning, Roman was loosely holding Janus’ hand while the umpteenth popular romcom of the year played in front of them and Janus lost count of all the clichés after the first ten minutes of the movie. As the predictable plot advanced, Roman became more invested in the story and simultaneously started eating more of his pre-bought gummy bears. The other predicted that they would have to suspend the hand-holding for the first part of the movie, or at least until Roman consumed his pile of snacks, so he too started to slowly eat his bowl of popcorn._

_They were 30 minutes into the movie when Janus felt something poking into his thigh. He repositioned himself in the seat before taking a long sip of his drink. Another five minutes passed when he felt fingers sliding over his knee. Janus sucked in a short breath, unmoving and tense in his spot as his eyes shifted down from the canvas to his legs. Smooth fingers were crawling up his thigh, hesitant but purposeful. Janus refused to look at Remus in the dark because he was scared of what he might see. Or what that look would do to him. So his posture stayed rigid while Remus’ hand kept wandering upwards, stopping mid-way up his thigh and continuing its way down again in the same slow manner. Janus tried to focus on the movie but all of his attention was limited to Remus’s actions. A million thoughts ran through his mind, such as: Why is he keep doing this? Is he serious? Is this a game? Why is my heart pounding in my chest? Am I going to pass out? What about his date? Does nobody see what’s happening? Do I like this? Why does his hand keep stopping mid-way?_

_„Relax,”_

_Janus visibly shivered at the low voice that spoke right into his ear, Remus’s hot breath leaving goosebumps on Janus’ skin. The younger boy’s grip loosened on the armrest, taking a deep breath and forcing his heart to calm down. Remus’s hands stopped moving, opting to just rest there on Janus’ jeans while the other collected himself. Janus glanced over at Roman who seemed to be engrossed in the happenings on the screen, completely oblivious to the fact that his twin brother was touching his boyfriend rather inappropriately._

_„If I misinterpreted the signs, then I’m sorry,” Remus whispered again, his mouth ghosting over Janus’ earlobe, those chills racing down the boy’s spine once again. It was clear from his self-assured smile that he was anything but sorry. „Tell me to stop, and I will never touch you again.”_

_He shouldn’t want this, he shouldn’t crave for Remus’s touch and yet, here he was. Janus knew that it was wrong but the feeling was too good, too overpowering to resist. He wanted the other to touch him. Janus wanted him to take him and own him. He wanted so much more. But he couldn’t say it out loud, not at that moment. So he remained silent, eyes fixated on the screen before him._

_Janus saw Remus fidget in his place and if he hadn’t known the boy, he would have thought that Remus was nervous. The older boy then started to remove his hands in belief that Janus had rejected him and couldn’t even look him in the eye while doing so, when hands slammed down on his own. Remus’ eyes widened at the unexpected turn of events and he had to take a long look at the other boy to confirm his assumptions. He immediately regretted his choice as he was met with the most stunning eyes he had ever seen. Even in the dark, he could see the light dancing in them around all those emotions that overtook the other boy. Remus was swimming in those eyes, losing sense of time and therefore not being able to tell how long they had been staring at each other before he saw Janus’ tiny nod. Remus felt frozen into place. Thankfully, Janus had enough presence of mind to slide his hand into Remus’ and guide his fingers back to Janus’ thighs._

_At that moment, their downfall began._

_Remus kept massaging the other, growing braver and bolder by the time. His fingers wandered further until he could feel Janus shudder under his touch. He felt more than saw the erection growing in the other’s pants, Janus’ excitement turning Remus on in a way that even he wasn’t prepared for. The danger of getting caught added to Remus’s arousal, and with a quick look around to make sure nobody saw what was happening, he started palming Janus through his jeans._

_Janus actually **moaned** at the sensation, his hips bucking up from the seat so visibly that Remus had to quickly withdraw his hands before he heard Roman’s voice from the side: _

_„Is everything alright, Jan?”_

_Remus couldn’t keep the self-satisfied smirk off of his face when he heard a slightly wavering voice answer:_

_„Yeah, sorry. This food is just really good.”_

_Remus suppressed a snicker, waiting another 5 minutes before returning to his activity of giving a (kinda) blow job in the darkness of the movie theatre. He felt Janus’ body jerk under his hand, his cock grinding into Remus’ hold, pre-come already leaking from the tip. Remus was having similar issues downside and wondered if he could get an orgasm in a movie theatre filled with people while jerking off his brother’s boyfriend._

_„I need to go to the bathroom!”Janus almost shouted as he abruptly rose from his seat, swatting Remus’s hand off of him and scurrying off towards the bathrooms._

_Remus was left rooted in his seat with hands clasped together in his lap and sporting an obvious boner. Roman looked annoyed and a bit concerned but quickly settled back into his seat, already immersed in the movie again. Remus then came to the realization that maybe Janus had planned this. Maybe the reason he ran off was to not climax right beside his boyfriend, but rather to finish it off somewhere else. And who could say that he didn’t want Remus to join in?_

_„I’ll get refills.” Remus announced, wiggling the empty popcorn holder and already rising from his seat._

_„Really, now?” His date sighed with an indignant look, but let Remus pass without further argument._

_Remus’ heart was pounding in his ears as he made his way out of the room and into the hallway. He scanned the area and found the bathroom sign down the corridor. He pushed in the door to the men’s bathroom, almost running into another person at the doorway. Remus muttered a half-ass apology, and idea taking shape in his head._

_He grabbed the cleaning trolley that was pushed into one corner and moved it in front of the door so that it would block the entrance. People could still push past it, but it was more likely that they would just go and find another bathroom. Satisfied with his quick thinking, he set off to search for the younger male._

_He went to the stalls, focusing on the heavy breathing that seemed to come from the very end of the row. He smirked, following those airy sounds that made his erection jump in anticipation. Remus came to a halt in front of the well-hidden stall at the end, knocking on the door with a shit-eating grin on his face._

_„Fuck off!”_

_An impressed whistle left Remus’ mouth as he leaned against the neighbouring stall, a smug expression appearing on his face when the stall door flew open, only to reveal a very flustered and a very bothered Janus on the other side. He stepped out of the stall with a hunched-up posture, his face flaming from shame and embarrassment that he tried to cover up by plastering an emotionless look on his face._

_Remus’ eyes roamed over the boy’s body in appreciation. His breathing was unlabored, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes shone with an unfamiliar heat behind them. He looked like he wanted to devour Remus and kill him at the same time. In all honesty, Remus wouldn’t have minded either._

_„Need some help?” The older boy asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively._

_„Remus,” Janus heaved out. It wasn’t a question but it didn’t quite qualify as a statement either._

_„I have to give it to you, that was some great thinking back there. Running out of the theatre before you could have a questionable orgasm in the middle of the movie was a really wise move.” Remus complimented teasingly before taking a step closer, admiring the way Janus’ eyes dilated at their proximity. Remus took a few more steps until the other’s back hit the wall and he was basically cornered in by the older boy. Remus nuzzled his nose against Janus’ neck all the way up to his jawline until he reached his ears, getting high on all the shaky breaths and whimpers that escaped the other. „I want to get my mouth on you.”_

_Janus’ whole body shook from how much he wanted – how much he yearned for Remus to touch him. However, he could still hear the warning sirens in his fogged up brain._

_„We can’t. We- we shouldn’t.” Janus squealed as Remus started to mouth at his neck, teeth grazing his soft skin before he soothed the flesh with small licks and kisses._

_„You didn’t object when I was jerking you off in the dark.” Remus snapped back, barely holding himself back from jumping the boy in front of him._

_„I’m not- not proud of that.” Janus breathed out, his hands coming up between them to push Remus off of his body. That only angered the older boy who mercilessly bit down on the other’s pulse point, smirking at the delicious moan it pulled out of Janus._

_„Yet, you’re letting me mark you right now,” Remus mocked, his left hand coming up to hold the other’s chin in place, bending his head to the side to gain more access to Janus’ neck. He licked the patch of lighter skin that ran down the other boy’s neck, his other hand sneaking up to palm Janus’ erection._

_Remus was so lost in his own desire that he almost hit his head in the opposite stall when the younger boy forcefully pushed him off of himself. Janus’ eyes flared up with rage, lust and guilt. His eyes glistened with unshed tears but his face was just as rigid and cold as his voice:_

_„I can’t do this to Roman.” He confessed, hands dropping to his side._

_Remus’ mind was still a bit slow and hazy from all the action but he managed to comprehend the words that echoed in the empty bathroom. Now that the rush was over, he could feel the shame and guilt building up inside him, but couldn’t deny how much he lusted after the other boy._

_„I mean,” Janus continued, his voice loud and almost hysterical, „He is your **brother**. You have to know how wrong this is!” _

_Remus reached out with one hand to comfort the other but Janus swatted his hand away aggressively. Remus sighed, hands carding through his hair in frustration:_

_„What do you want me to do?” Remus asked in desperation, uncaring how weak and broken he sounded. „I have wanted you since the moment I saw you!” He heard Janus’ breath hitch and he bit his lip to keep him from kissing the boy he was madly in love with. „I’m sorry that my brother laid eyes on you first. If I met you before him, we wouldn’t have this problem now!”_

_„Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Janus asked impatiently._

_„BECAUSE YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY?!” Remus shouted, regretting it right after he saw the fear flickering in Janus’ eyes. He lowered his voice, words floating out of him without filter: „At first I tried to ignore it, thinking it might just be physical attraction and nothing more, then you started coming over and we all hang out together and I got to know you better. Well, it turns out, that your personality is frickin’ amazing, which made it only worse because now I wasn’t only thinking about you in my bed but also in my arm as I hugged you, or in the passenger seat of my car as we drove to a beat-up restaurant to have the best date of my life where at the end I could just go on a walk with you and talk about anything because I knew you would listen to my absurd and random ideas that nobody else cares about. But then I had to realize that in my fucked up reality, you were never mine and you would never be because you are with my brother who doesn’t even deserve you!”_

_Janus just stared at him in awe or maybe in mortification – it was hard to tell - which gave Remus the chance to take the other’s hand in his and look him dead in the eye._

_„Tell me you love him! Tell me you don’t want me and we can both forgot this ever happened!” Remus begged, knuckles tightening around Janus’ fingers. The other boy was shaking, tears slowly running down the side of his face as a choked up sob left his mouth:_

_„I can’t do that.”_

_Janus could have lied – lying had never been a difficulty to him, after all – but he’d doubted that his feet could have walked him out of the bathroom and left Remus behind, not after the other boy’s confession which was still too unbelievable to make sense._

_Remus’ heart jumped up into his throat, only contemplating his next move for a few seconds before throwing any reason and common sense out the window. He surged forward, sealing their mouths together in a heated kiss, his hands flying up to Janus’ waist to hold him steady in his arms. The kiss was full of desperation, guilt and relief. They moved together like they had been doing it for years, despite this being their first shared kiss. Their mouths worked in perfect harmony – even if it was a bit rushed and not well coordinated. Janus’ hands buried themselves in Remus’s long locks, pulling at the hair tightly and shivering at the moan that vibrated through Remus’s body. Janus’ tongue then slipped into the other’s mouth, exploring and tasting, not being able to resist the urge to compare this kiss to all of his previous kisses with Roman. They were always soft and sweet. Sometimes, they got more adventurous, but it was never this fierce, never this passionate._

_Remus pulled away hastily, a bit of saliva glistening on his mouth. His eyes were dark with lust and need, his erection throbbing in his pants as he licked his lips, flashing a predatory smile at the other boy. Janus felt himself getting hard just by that look, his nerves standing on edge and warmth returning to his whole body._

_„I want to blow you.” Remus admitted bluntly, Janus’ pulse sky-rocketing at the confession. He gulped, his Adam’s apple bouncing and Remus felt an irresistable urge to follow the movement with his tongue. „I promise, I’m way more experienced at it than my brother.” Remus chuckled, his laughter dying out when he saw the other boy avert his eyes._

_„I wouldn’t know,” Janus started slowly, his voice so tiny that Remus could barely hear him, „We haven’t done anything- yet.”_

_When Janus’ eyes hesitantly moved back to Remus’ face, he was taken aback by the sheer desire reflected in it. The way Remus looked at him was new and very dark – threatening even. It felt extremely intimidating and dangerous, so why was Janus’ cock rock hard in his jeans?_

_„I’m gonna take you apart,” Remus’s words sent those delicious shivers running down his spine again, his lips parted slightly in a silent plea._

_„Please,” Janus choked out – willing his tears to stop flowing and his guilt to ebb. His conscience couldn’t ruin this moment. He was already too deep, and if he was going to make the possibly biggest mistake of his life, then he wanted to at least enjoy it._

_Remus undid the bottons of Janus’ shirt with untaimed eagerness, starting to make his way down the other as the younger boy gripped his hands into his hair. Remus was committed to discovering all the sensitive spots on the other’s body, unsure if he would ever get another chance to have his way with the boy. His cock twitched at the thought of fucking Janus in secret, making his bites and licks wilder and more throughout. Janus let out a remarkably needy whine at one of his bites, slick tongue sliding over the red mark to soothe the pain. Remus’ teeth grazed the pale skin as he moved closer to where the other boy wanted him to be. Remus looked up at the other and made eye-contact with the wrecked boy above him, the sight of the other’s dishevelled hair and swollen lips surging him to open the zipper of his jeans, pushing the garment past the other’s hips. Remus moved the waistband of Janus’ boxers aside, mouthed at his hipbones as the younger started thrusting his hips forward. Remus chuckled low in his throat, replacing his mouth with his hands and gently stroking the other’s skin. He threw an evil smirk back up at the other, Janus’ eyes widening at the feeling of Remus’ mouth closing around his clothed erection. Remus licked the pre-cum that coated the boy’s boxers before he was abruptly pulled back by his hair, Janus forcing him to look him in the eyes as he hissed out his next words:_

_„Remus, I have never done this before. If you don’t get on with it, I’m gonna cum into my underwear.”_

_That was enough to convince Remus to finally remove the other’s boxers, sliding it down his thick thighs and leaving the older boy’s mouth watering at the sight. Remus just kneed on the floor for a few moments, admiring the other boy in all his glory, and licking his lips before he launched himself forward._

_His tongue licked a long stripe up over the other’s shaft, feeling Janus’ shudder accompanied by a (really) loud moan after which Remus took a moment to check if anybody was coming to check the stalls – also giving Janus a few seconds to calm himself down as best as he could. When everything seemed clear, he returned his attention to the gorgeous cock in front of him. He continued his licks up the other’s member while messaging his thighs with his hands. When he found a particularly good spot, Janus would pull his hair harder, making him groan around the other’s cock which only made the younger boy cry out from pleasure._

_„Remus, I’m close.” Janus breathed out, his eyes shut since he realized that looking down at Remus while he was sucking him was not a good idea._

_It finally drew onto the older boy that this wasn’t going to last long, so he decided to have mercy on the other and make as much out of it as he could. Remus wrapped his mouth around the other, twirling his tongue around until (not long after) Janus came hard into his mouth with a loud cry._

_The other’s spent cock slipped out of his mouth, Remus giving it a few more licks before Janus started to whimper from the over-stimulation. Then, Remus slowly dressed him up, giving the other time to come down from his high. It was Janus’ first time with someone else – even if he had already tried masturbating before, and Remus couldn’t help the smug smirk that appeared on his face upon that thought._

_„Are you alright?” He asked after Janus was still slumped against the wall with his eyes closed._

_„Yeah,” The other whispered softly, giving Remus a soft smile before all the blood rushed out of his face as the sudden realization hit him. „What have I done?”_

_Needless to say, they didn’t look at each other for the rest of the night._


	5. But he’s ordinary, you need more than that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus heard the buzzing of his phone but needed to ignore the urge to read Remus’ answer in favour of concentrating on the assigned task.  
> He wanted to run but at the same time, he didn’t. The only person he wanted to run to was Remus, and he was unreachable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway through the story, guys! I have never written anything this long and I just hope everything is turning out well.  
> In this chapter, our two boys are exchanging some private messages during class ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I'm sorry if it's not that good, sexting is something I don't have experience with ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it!

Janus turned his head to the side on instinct when he felt soft lips mouthing at his neck. His eyes fluttered shut as he allowed more access to his skin for the tender kisses to continue. He hummed in appreciation, anticipating the sharp nip on his neck that usually followed Remus’ teasing. 

„Seems like I finally got your attention.” The voice whispered in his ear and Janus’ eyes snapped open. It wasn’t Remus. 

He turned around in his seat to confirm the identity of the person who had been attempting to suck a rather impressive mark into his neck. And indeed, it was his charming boyfriend who was clearly upset at the interruption. Right, since they had decided to study together that afternoon. 

„What are you doing?” Janus inquired with a bit more accusation in his voice than what would have been rightful. Janus realized just how hard he was on the other when Roman’s previous confidence faded away in a blink of an eye. 

„Oh, well, I… I thought we could-” Roman never finished that sentence but Janus had a pretty good guess on what was running through his boyfriend’s mind. 

„We are studying.” Janus stated, again, a bit more harshly than he intended to, taken how fast Roman had retreated to his initial place on the bed. 

Janus felt awful knowing that he was the cause of his boyfriend’s distress, especially because he was aware of how insecure the other boy was. He carefully approached the bed and sank down beside his boyfriend, taking the other’s chin between his fingers and gently tilting Roman’s head up. 

„I’m sorry.” Janus said softly, withdrawing his hand to intertwine their fingers over his lap. „You just wanted to take my mind off and I was an unappreciative boyfriend. Can you ever forgive me?” 

Roman smiled at the boy’s dramatics, his playful persona resurfacing. 

„I don’t know,” Roman started, pretending to be in thought, „I might need some compensation.” He slurred before gently taking Janus’ lower lip between his teeth and biting down on it. Janus whimpered, his mouth chasing the feelings until their lips reconnected in an eager kiss. 

Roman tangled his fingers in his hair while Janus dragged his hands up and down the other’s thighs. When the younger boy’s hands wandered further up the other’s body, Roman let out a surprised sigh that allowed Janus to sneak his tongue into the other’s welcoming mouth. Roman was soft and delicate, his sweet kisses were addictive once somebody tasted them. He was so tender and full of underlying emotions. Roman quickly gave up the fight and let Janus control the kiss while he melted against the other’s lips. 

_He is not as demanding as Remus._

Janus’s eyes opened momentarily as the picture of the other boy flashed before his eyes. The faint feeling of his touch leaving goosebumps on Janus’s body and the other boy could only think that Roman should have this effect on him. Not his aggressive, impulsive and dangerous twin. But the more Janus thought of Remus, the more turned on he got, and the deeper he slipped into that wonderful mindset that he was so accustomed to around the other boy. When Roman grabbed a handful of his hair and tugged on it, he couldn’t stop the desperate cry from escaping him: 

„Remus, fuck.” 

Janus started panting hard, pressing his lips firmer against the other as heat built up inside him. He was more than shocked when the other boy pulled away from him in one quick motion, Roman’s hazy eyes scanning his face in bewilderment. Janus’ mind was too fogged up with desire to think coherently, therefore he couldn’t recall the reason why his boyfriend might be acting so strangely all of a sudden. 

„Is everything okay, Roman?” Janus asked, his breath coming out shortly. 

„Yeah, I thought I heard you-” Roman trailed off, shaking his head and averting his eyes. Janus scooped closer on the bed, taking the other’s flushed cheeks between his palms. 

„Oh, I wanna make sure you hear me-” Janus murmured flirtatiously as he leaned closer towards the other to seal their lips together once again. Roman only allowed the kiss to deepen for a short moment before he tore himself away from the other with a loud shout: 

„Well, that was a long break. We should get back to studying!” With that exclamation, Roman flopped into the chair at the table, putting distance between him and a very confused and aroused Janus. 

  
***  


There were many subjects in school that Janus enjoyed. He was no teacher’s pet, but he was rather fascinated by certain topics and strived to expand his knowledge as far as the information was useful or intrigued him in some way. Algebra, however, was an exception. It might have had to do more with the teacher and his staid recitals upon even more mind-numbing explanations than the subject itself. Despite his obvious disdain, Janus strained to perform well in class, which required attention and a great amount of self-control which he often struggled to maintain. Speaking of no self-control, the buzz of his phone broke him out of his Monday morning reverie. He scolded himself for being so absent-minded before subtly checking his notifications in case it was something important. 

He rolled his eyes as he read the name on the phone screen but could not stop his heart from skipping a beat. This specific phenomenon happened with increasing frequency around a certain boy and Janus could not make much of it but didn’t want to dwell on the topic either. 

Checking that the teacher was occupied, Janus opened his messages under the table. 

**Remus: I couldn’t compliment you in the morning but you look smexy today ;)**

His heart was malfunctioning again. Janus really needed to have it checked by a doctor. 

**Janus: I’m glad you kept that inside**

****Remus: Roman is dull, he wouldn’t be surprised if I called you a cockslut in front of him** **

**Janus snickered and quickly scanned his surroundings to ensure that the teacher did not notice his outburst.**

****Janus: Let’s not test that theory** **

The answer came almost immediately, making the younger boy wonder what Remus could possibly be doing. He might actually be in class since he quite fancied the idea of defying rules and later getting caught just for the thrill of it. 

****Remus: Was that serious or sarcastic? Cause we can further discover your kinks if you want to ;)****

******Janus: I was being serious! Giving you my number was such a good idea!**** **

********Remus: I think so too :D**** ** **

********Janus: I was being sarcastic**** ** **

********Remus: Well, make up your mind!**** ** **

********Janus: Stop texting me, I’m in Algebra**** ** **

********Remus: And I’m in History but fuck what those dead people discovered, I wanna discover your body** ** ** **

Janus’ face was flaming and he quickly pressed his legs to hide the evident reaction his body had upon reading the other’s words. Images of Remus popped up in his mind and the more Janus tried to force them out, the more explicit they got. Oh god, he wanted Remus to discover his body, too! Preferably with his tongue. Janus wanted to slap himself for even thinking about such things in school. 

******Janus: Stop it!**** **

********Remus: Do you mean, go on? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**** ** **

********Janus: No!**** ** **

********Remus: But I miss u! Your ass looked so good in those jeans!**** ** **

********Janus: Of course, that’s what you were focused on**** ** **

********Remus: How could I not? You looked so good from behind that I just wanted to eat you out!** ** ** **

Another memory surfaced against the younger boy’s intention. Janus couldn’t help but imagine that skilled tongue working him open while he cried out in pleasure. 

******Janus: Don’t text me stuff like this! Roman might see it!**** **

********Remus: You’ll just delete it. Plus, I like to play with fire**** ** **

********Janus: Really? Who would have thought?** ** ** **

Janus heard the buzzing of his phone but needed to ignore the urge to read Remus’ answer in favour of concentrating on the assigned task in case the teacher called his name for the answer. After a few minutes (and some calming breaths), Janus’ patience ran out and the desire to be close to Remus won over. 

******Remus: I can’t wait until I’ll have the chance to tear those jeans off of you this evening** ** **

Janus felt equally petrified and aroused. Gosh, there was still 20 minutes left of this class. 

******Janus: No, you’re not coming over! You’ve crashed at my house twice this week. You always eat my mother’s face mask mixes!**** **

********Remus: They are delicious! Maybe she shouldn’t make them edible!**** ** **

********Janus: You won’t come over!**** ** **

********Remus: We both know that’s not what you want. We haven’t been together for a week now because you always have some other plans with my brother**** ** **

********Janus: He’s my boyfriend** ** ** **

His stomach twisted into knots as Janus remembered the boy who took him on romantic dates and held his hands in the hallways and always shared his food with him and Janus suddenly felt like the worst person ever. 

******Remus: Don’t remind me. It’s such a turn-down**** **

********Janus: Good, you should focus on your teacher** ** ** **

Now with guilt churning inside him, Janus hoped the conversation would be over lest self-hatred started to take its toll. Nevertheless, Remus seemed no less eager to continue their previous conversation. 

******Remus: She’s so old and ugly. Why should I focus on her when I was blessed with an outstanding imagination? Tell me, you don’t miss me!**** **

********Janus: I don’t**** ** **

********Remus: Oh, so you don’t want me to push u up against a wall and kiss you senseless?** Janus was conflicted. He wanted to scream and stop whatever the hell they were doing with Remus, but as experience had taught him, whenever he decided to cut things off, he would be pulled back even deeper with heavy chains imprisoning him. He was falling faster and deeper and it would hurt when they landed. ** ** **

******Janus: Stop it!**** **

********Remus: I could lift you and hold your ass in my hand, wouldn’t you like that?**** ** **

********Janus: I wouldn’t**** ****

****

****

****  
**Remus: Na-ah, we both know how much of a slut you are. My beautiful little whore who likes to be filled up and fucked until he can’t walk! I bet you wouldn’t resist if I just slammed you onto one of these desks******

Janus hated his mind for providing him with these mental pictures that only haunted him at night when his bed felt too empty and the darkness made him feel lonely to the core. He wanted to run but at the same time, he didn’t. The only person he wanted to run to was Remus, and he was unreachable. 

******Janus: I’m gonna block u**** **

********Remus: Go ahead! But I know you are reading all of this. You are reading it and you are imagining every single word** ** ** **

Unfortunately, Remus knew him and his kinks and his shameful desires. He was aware of how much control he had and he was using it to wreck Janus. There was heat climbing up his spine now, his senses were buzzing and he had to oblige to the fantasies when they claimed their place. Janus imagined Remus’ hard cock pressing up into him, stretching his walls and burying himself deep in his body. His fingers opened the incoming messages without his consent. 

******Remus: You feel my breath on your neck, the way my hands slide down your body to wrap them around your cock. You imagine as I stroke you and finger your pink little hole that just craves to be filled up with my cum. I bet you have to restrain yourself from moaning because you are a loud little whore!**** **

********Janus: Remus, you can’t do this!**** ** **

********Remus: Yes, I can! I can just bend you over the desk and pound into you until you can’t move! I can bury myself into your tight little hole until you are screaming my name in ecstasy. I can fill you up with my cum and watch as it drips down your thighs before I eat you out. You would beg for more like the slut you are, even so, you would fall onto your knees right then and there. Bet you want that, huh? Suck me dry, make me cum into your mouth? Would u like that better, Jan? If I fucked your mouth until you gagged around my dick? Made you choke on my fat cock? Would u like that? If you don’t answer you won’t be happy about what awaits you tonight**** ** **

********Janus: Yes**** ** **

********Remus: Yes what?**** ** **

********Janus: Yes, I want you to fuck my mouth and I want to suck you off and drink every drop of you. I want to feel you on my tongue and then I want you to fuck me against the wall with your hands holding me up because I know you could just hold me like that while fucking into me and tearing me apart** ** ** **

Janus was panting now, his jeans soaked with precum and making the denim feel gross against his sensitive skin. 

******Remus: Such a good boy! Was that so hard to admit? Fuck, I’m hard now.**** **

********Janus: I hate you**** ** **

********Remus: Meet me in the bathroom at recess?**** ** **

********Janus: Geez, fine**** ** **


	6. I don’t wanna share, it’s a damn shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „Oh, I understand it clearly!” Remus cut in, his eyes flashing back to Janus with emerging rage. „You’re a coward.”  
> The words stang but the prospect of losing Remus was much more frightening then any hurtful comment the other had prepared for him. Janus stood still, letting Remus curse him to hell and back because deep down he knew he deserved it. He could have put a stop to this mess months ago but he was too scared to do so. Now he must reap what he sowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of the angst which will last for the next two or three chapters. This part will focus on Remus and Janus, while the next one will be about Roman's and Janus' relationship. Hope you'll enjoy (you know, having your heart broken)!

„Why are you still with him?” 

It was a heavy question for such a lovely and quiet afternoon. Remus drove them to one of his favourite spots which lay unnoticed at the foot of the rocky hill surrounding their city. The air was humid due to the fast-approaching change of seasons, carrying a hint of summer nostalgia which was just as everpresent in the day as the lingering warmth. A pleasant breeze stroked their cheeks as they sat on the hood of the car with the sun lazily lowering its head beyond the horizon. 

„He’s my boyfriend.” Janus replied after a short pause, watching as Remus’ doleful eyes sparkled in the crimson glow of the late spring evening. 

„Do you love him?” Remus asked in a hushed voice, his jaw clenching involuntarily as he anticipated the other boy’s answer. 

Janus watched the light flicker in the taller boy’s eyes, casting a shadow of sorrow and desperation over those beautiful emerald irises which never strayed too far from Janus’ side. They were constantly watching, memorizing, admiring. His lips trembled slightly as Remus inhaled the cool air of the wind playfully running down the hill with childish joy. The light breeze got caught in Remus’ wild hair, asking it for a quick dance before it drifted away. 

Janus found himself mesmerized by the other’s beauty. 

„No,” Janus declared softly, the truth rolling off of his tongue like sweet honey, „I don’t love him.” 

Remus’ shoulders fell with the wave of relief that washed over him but his eyes hardened as he turned his head away from the other boy to observe the breathtaking view of the city before them. 

„Then why are you still with him?” Remus reiterated, the repetition seeming ridiculous since Janus wasn’t able to provide an answer the first time the other had posed the question, which was only moments before. 

Janus could no longer look at him, and instead opted for surveying the landscape with Remus in silence. There was an endless list of things Janus wanted to confess to the other, such as how deeply he cared about the reckless boy, but he could not speak that one sentence that the other wanted to hear the most. Remus knew him well, but even he couldn’t have the faintest idea of how many times Janus had already asked the exact same question from himself, only to be rewarded with the same bitter answer. 

„I don’t know,” 

It was a lie and both boys knew it. However, it was easier to pretend that they still had a chance at whatever was blossoming between them. Their connection was wrong, poisonous and destructive. Still, they wanted to prolong the inevitable end which crept closer by every day. 

They spent the spring together, but now the truth started to unravel as summer approached with the unavoidable aspect of discovery. 

„I want you to break up with him,” Remus stated boldly as he fiddled with his fingers in his lap, „I can’t live with this guilt anymore.” 

Janus’ lips stayed sealed as they watched the sunset, feeling as the little time they still had together slipped away. 

  
***  


Remus was very sociable and charming in his own way, attracting many people’s undivided attention – even if it was for a fleeting moment. Objectively, Janus was aware of the other boy’s… notoriety that many regarded with cautious interest before they had the chance to actually witness the strange phenomenon that was Remus. Some peculiar humans deemed his company enjoyable even after said encounter had happened (see: Janus) and accepted the consequences which befell them for having such an outlandish friend in their lives. 

One of these masochists was Virgil, a long-time friend of the twins and an almost omnipresent attachment to their duo. Virgil once told him that the twins were like stars in a really dark sky: no matter how dangerous they were, you felt drawn to their presence and wanted nothing more than to bask in their light and destructive flames. Virgil was most definitely drunk when he made that statement but Janus could not help but return to that one sentence when people from seemingly out of nowhere approached the fairly popular siblings. 

You could say that Janus was already used to Virgil always following around Roman with sharp eyes that were endlessly alert and with an even sharper tongue which was ready to slice you up with one witty remark or bluntly honest observation. Virgil was always there to protect his friends and most people were rendered speechless upon the first experience when they realised that the silent kid was actually more than they’d given him credit for. Janus liked him, even though his feelings were ambivalent when it came to the other boy, constantly drifting from respect to envy to admiration. So yeah, Janus enjoyed or at least tolerated the wannabee emo’s company. 

What Janus could not stand was the mass of arrogant, self-assured, airheaded jerks who kept appearing at Remus’ side wherever they went. It was no secret that Remus liked to fool around, unashamed of his debauched lifestyle and uncaring about his peers’ opinions. Janus was informed and enraged. He thought – or more likely hoped – that those days were over. 

It was silly and naive to expect any kind of fidelity from the older boy. Besides, Remus did not belong to him, it was quite the opposite. Janus was in a committed relationship – with sweet and chivalrous Roman – and it was only comedic that even his handsome boyfriend could not provoke the surging fire of jealousy out of Janus the way Remus and his little flings did. 

It was infuriating. 

Janus imagined throwing his bowl of disgusting canteen bolognese into that smug smirk that the insanely tall guy, who had just swayed his way over to their table and started idly chatting with Remus in a clearly flirtatious manner, sported on his face. Their conversation was short, filled with whispers and soft giggles, and Janus could only wonder how many times they had banged already. 

Then a nasty thought nestled inside his head: Was there any difference between him and the guy with the fake tan? (Apart from Janus’ obvious intellectual superiority). Was Janus just one of Remus’ fuck buddies? 

There went his appetite, along with his burning rage. As the boy sauntered away, Janus lowered his head in resignation and disgust, irritated at how big of a fool he was that Remus could use him like that. He was no special to the older boy. Nothing more than a name on Remus’ to-do list. 

Warm hands settled over his thigh under the table and Janus needn’t check whose hands were sliding up and down his body. Remus always wanted one thing but Janus was not that easy. He didn’t want to be. So he swatted the stroking hand away, almost fooled by the fake hurt in Remus’ eyes and then luckily saved by his brain in the last moment by replaying that heart-clenching scene from just seconds ago. Janus stood up from the table and ignored the older boy’s messages for the rest of the day. 

  
***

„You’re still with him,” Remus accused coldly as he rose from the couch he was previously sitting on. Janus was clueless on how to explain himself to the other, most likely because there was no excuse for his actions, but he was also convinved that Remus had no right to judge him when he was doing the same thing behind Janus’ back. 

„I tried breaking up but-” 

„I don’t give a shit about your excuses.” 

Janus closed his mouth abruptly, hands shaking slightly at his sides but he would rather die than expose his insecurities to Remus. Janus folded his hands behind his back, trying to maintain his faux confidence as he stood his ground against the other’s heated stare. 

„I should have known…” Remus muttered under his breath as his eyes cast up to the ceiling. 

Janus wanted to reach out, to touch the other and pull him into a hug, to whisper sweet words of comfort into Remus’s ears until everything was better. But it was already too late. Janus dragged them down into the deep sea where there was nothing left but to suffocate as the truth came to light. 

„Remus, please, you have to understand that-” 

„Oh, I understand it clearly!” Remus cut in, his eyes flashing back to Janus with emerging rage. „You’re a coward.” 

The words stang but the prospect of losing Remus was much more frightening then any hurtful comment the other had prepared for him. Janus stood still, letting Remus curse him to hell and back because deep down he knew he deserved it. He could have put a stop to this mess months ago but he was too scared to do so. Now he must reap what he sowed. 

„Why him?” Remus asked in a choked-up voice, blinking the rebellious tears away before they could fall. „Am I not good enough for you?” 

Janus’ heart was breaking as he took in the other’s vulnerable and fragile frame. He had never seen Remus so out of control, and so full of hurt. He let his own tears run down his cheeks as he spoke up: 

„How can you say that?” Janus felt so lost at what to say. He was responsible for Remus’ pain, and no matter how bad he wanted to make things right, he just couldn’t figure out the means of doing so. 

„Well, everything indicates that you think my brother is more worthy of your love, so sorry for rushing to judgement,” Remus spit bitterly, his eyes sparkling with a mixture of humiliation and anger. 

„That’s not the case-” Janus tried to explain but he was interrupted once again. 

„Then please, tell me how it is! Because apparently, I’m not really good at reading signals.” 

Janus wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans, feeling a hot wave wash over him as he lowered his gaze to the ground. His voice was weak and pitiful, he was aware of that, but he no longer had authority over his body. 

„I just- It was my first relationship ever,” He started, stating the obvious as if it would be a good enough explanation, „You must understand that I was scared and I needed stability. It was- It was so easy with Roman because he was charming and kind and patient. We had so many shared interests… We could talk for hours about anything and it felt comforting to have someone similar to me!” Janus rented as tears cascaded down his face and wetted the wooden floor as they hit the ground, „You, on the other hand, were so different and so dangerous and unpredictable. It was thrilling at first and I was stupid for wanting to experience something new. It was so wrong to want you but I did. And then I felt excited every time you told me you wanted to meet and I thought we could play for a while without attachments but these maddening thoughts about you kept returning! Then I started to care about you- actually care about you, but- there was Roman who never did anything wrong to me, he treated me right all the time and I just couldn’t betray him. And I didn’t lie when you asked me if I loved him. I don’t, I really don’t.” Janus slowly looked up at Remus, mortified at the sight before him. Remus’ eyes were coloured in red veins, fist clenching at his sides in frustration and eyes puffy from all the crying. Janus watched the pain he felt inside himself reflect on the other and he had never felt worse in his life than when he had to see the man he loved break in front of him. „I don’t love him,” Janus repeated with a desperate whine, „Please, Remus, you have to believe me! He’s not the one I love he’s just-” 

„He’s just the safe option.” Remus finished his thoughts, eyes cold and emotionless as they pierced into Janus’. Janus stood there, frozen in spot as blood thumped loudly in his ears like war drums. 

„You have to understand it,” Janus pleaded, „When I met you, everybody was talking about how you like to sleep around without commitment-” 

„So you thought it was okay to play with my heart, is that it?” Remus retorted sharply and Janus groaned in frustration. 

„NO!” Janus wanted to punch something, his sadness slowly drifting towards anger as Remus grew more and more hostile. „I was just scared! I couldn’t expect you to be faithful! I couldn’t put my heart on the line when you basically fuck anything that moves-” As the last words registered inside Janus’ brain, the shorter boy quickly slapped his hand over his mouth in a vain attempt to stop the hurtful comment from escaping into the open. Unfortunately, Remus heard it loud and clear, his expression growing rigid as he stared down at the younger boy. 

„Get out,” Remus spoke up suddenly and Janus felt a hopeless sob break out despite his best efforts to keep it in. 

„Please, Remus-” Janus cried, uncaring if he sounded as pitiful as he felt. 

„Leave. Now.” Remus gritted out between his teeth, casting one last look of resentment and disgust towards the other boy. 

Janus’ throat constricted as he felt his heart stop inside his ribcage. This can’t be happening. He can’t lose Remus. „Remus-” He started quietly, tears ebbing as he fought to get more air into his lungs, „I love you,” 

Janus had never been faced with such sheer anger, such utter contempt and revulsion as Remus’ shout thundered in the room. 

„GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” 

Janus backed away from the other, running out of the house and shutting the door loudly as he disappeared into the night. Remus crumbled to the ground with his fists smashing into the floor until it opened the skin on his knuckles. With shaky and bloody hands, he sat on the floor, breathing heavily through his nose and silently shouting into the emptiness.


	7. You were busy lying, sleeping 'round with other guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus, in his own opinion, was ready to go all the way with his boyfriend if things went smoothly. He would do anything to save this date and to save his relationship. He didn’t lose Remus for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the truth to be revealed. This chapter will contain angst (prepare for the twin's fight) and swearing!  
> Hope you'll enjoy!

There was nothing left other than the all-consuming rage and loneliness. The latest being odd if we take into account that Janus had a very much real and loving boyfriend who would have done anything to cheer the younger boy up. 

Roman – the sweetheart he was – obviously took note of Janus’ unusually bad mood. He was rather attentive after all, and he tended to notice even the most minuscule signs, however, he was also prone to ignore such indications when they had a high likelihood of hurting him beyond repair. 

This time it was about his boyfriend, though, and he couldn’t turn his head away from something so important to him. The notable change in Janus’ mood led to Roman brainstorming all day and night on how to uplift his boyfriend’s spirit. 

Roman was quite proud to present his ideas to his significant other. Janus was in no state of arguing, despite how much he loathed the aspect of spending hours alone with the boy he had cheated on repeatedly. The guilt and the shame were crawling incessantly under his skin, but he regarded them as rightful punishments. He had agreed to visit the town’s amusement park with his boyfriend for two main reasons (both of them increasing the burden of shame on his shoulders): for once, he wanted to suffer in the company of the person who the problem originated from, which was also a bit morbid but Janus deemed that he deserved to feel awful as it served as penance for his sins; and second, he hoped that the extra time spent with his boyfriend would somehow contribute to his forgetting of said person’s brother. It was mostly for selfish reasons, but he would have hated to decline Roman’s offer when the other boy was so enthusiastic about making him feel better. 

Consequently, they wandered around the amusement park for 3 hours - trying out different rides, walking on the pathways hand in hand, and even eating sticky cotton candy that Janus normally would have refused the moment it was mentioned but on this day he was ought to make an exception. 

Janus prayed through the whole date that he would find forgiveness – or just a little bit of mercy – at the end of the day. No such luck, apparently. Instead of forgetting the bane of his suffering, his mind kept shifting back to a tall, boisterous boy with no filter on his mouth, and Janus was starting to sport a migraine from all the memories. 

It hurt. 

He deserved the pain, though, so he avoided making any complaints. 

Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop the overflow of thoughts which were mostly centered around Remus and how he inflicted pain on the other boy. Janus couldn’t enjoy any of the rides, no matter how much effort Roman was putting into their date. It was heartbreaking to see the disappointment in Roman’s eyes but Janus assumed that he should soon get used to that look. 

It didn’t help his case that his mind was eager to point out any differences between the two brothers, comparing them in Janus’ head with the result unchanging. His mind was always in favour of Remus. Janus prepared a mental list containing all the reasons why Roman was different from his brother, but all it earned was the realization that those exact reasons made Remus seem like the better option. 

**Janus’ mental note of what Roman is like as a boyfriend:**

  1. He’s too chivalrous. He sometimes acts as if I didn’t know how to do things on my own and it makes me feel inferior. 
  2. He has a particular fondness regarding pet names. However, these pet names are usually too general and overused and there is no indication of teasing behind them.
  3. He talks too loud. On occasion, he forgets to include me in the conversation. Remus always paid attention to hear me out.
  4. He’s too sensitive. He takes my mocking demeanour as an offence.
  5. He raises topics that either don’t amuse me or which have been already discussed between us. How often do we need to talk about theatre? As if that was our only mutual interest.
  6. He is very competitive. It wouldn’t be so annoying since I like when he gets passionate, but he just can’t accept failure and he doesn’t seem to share my happiness if I happen to win.
  7. He is not Remus.



It seemed as if all bridges which previously connected them burned down in a blazing fire. There was nothing to hold them together… or maybe except for one thing. 

His resemblance to Remus. 

Janus felt sick in his stomach when he thought about using the other just for his body, but it had worked with Remus before, why wouldn’t it now? Maybe if they got closer, more intimate, than the physical contact would revive their initial flame? After all, his feelings only started to blossom for Remus when they commenced engaging in physical activities more regularly. 

Or so Janus liked to believe. 

Roman offered to walk him home and Janus felt obliged to grant his boyfriend this opportunity since he had already ruined their day with his absent-mindedness. As the pair approached Janus’ house, an uncomfortable silence stretched over them in such thick layers that the two boys were nervous to reach out for each other. They walked side by side with a gape which might as well have been the Grand Canyon. 

Janus groaned inwardly as he tried to figure out when did their relationship start to go downhill. He wanted to convince himself that Remus was responsible for the current state of his relationship but a little voice inside his head reminded him that he and Roman had never had the chemistry or special bond needed to establish a deep connection. Janus hated that little voice for being right. On the other hand, Janus was not one to surrender easily and he would not give up on a relationship which had so much potential to it. Surely, they were destined to be together – Janus could hardly find anyone superior to Roman in terms of chivalry and romance. 

They stopped abruptly at Janus’ house, the younger boy fumbling with his keys as he waited for Roman to make the first move before opening the door and stepping inside the building with tension firmly set in his posture. Neither of them said a word as the seconds ticked by in agonizing anticipation, both of them expecting the other to cross the invisible line between them. 

„Well, the night was as enjoyable as ever in your company, my love,” Roman started hesitantly, his words ringing false in his ears despite wanting them to be true, „I’ll call you later?” 

Roman’s usually flourish was weakened by the uncertainty currently overtaking his being, but he tried to mask it under his usual flamboyancy. He didn’t trick anyone though, and Janus just prayed this night wouldn’t get any more awkward. Following a set of unsure glances from Roman and some anxious steps in one place, the other boy finally bid his goodbye and turned towards the street with one swift motion. 

Janus groaned out loud. 

He yanked Roman back by his arm and shut the door quickly before swirling his boyfriend around and crashing their lips together in an uncoordinated kiss. The other boy was unmoving for the most part due to the shock and confusion which must have shown on his face. Janus ignored his lack of cooperation as he pushed his lips firmer against the other’s, licking his way into Roman’s mouth when his boyfriend finally let out an involuntary gasp. Roman tasted like cotton candy and mint gum – not a favourable taste for the younger boy but Janus was currently too occupied to pay any attention to details. He sneaked his arms around Roman’s shoulders before pulling the older boy impossibly close to his body. Roman moaned at the feeling of the other pressing against his chest, sliding one curious hand under Janus’ shirt to feel the soft skin under the material. Roman’s fingers were a bit cold which made the other boy gasp in his hold, his sides twitching under the unfamiliar touch. 

Janus noted the way his body felt different when held against his boyfriend. Roman’s hand felt almost bruising on his hips which only gave the slightest gratification. Roman was passionate and demanding – much like his brother. However, Janus couldn’t help but notice how disparate the other boy’s approach seemed to be towards physical intimacy. Unexpectedly, Roman was more possessive in how he touched Janus. The way his hand grabbed onto Janus’ hips or how he pulled the other closer to his body as if he wanted to gain full control over their actions, even the way he kissed in eagerness and with more force than necessary screamed that Roman wanted to own him. 

It felt strange, compared to how Remus used to treat him during their little time together. Just like his brother, Remus was fierce and demanding but he was also attentive and giving. He allowed Janus to do whatever he wanted, encouraged him to explore and to seize what he desired. Remus was always ready to deliver whatever Janus had wished for, putting the younger boy’s needs above his satisfaction. 

Roman, on the other hand… as sweet and romantic as the boy appeared when they interacted, he was equally rough and uncompromising with his sexual desires. He didn’t ask for what he wanted, he simply took it when the opportunity presented itself. All Roman needed was Janus’ consent, and with granted power, he took full advantage of the situation. 

Janus, in his own opinion, was ready to go all the way with his boyfriend if things went smoothly. He would do anything to save this date and to save his relationship. He didn’t lose Remus for nothing. 

Roman’s hands quit their previous exploring of Janus’ body and instead wandered down to the other boy’s soft backside, squeezing his ass playfully before lifting the boy without warning and slamming Janus against the wall. The younger boy groaned as his back hit the solid surface, hooking his legs around his boyfriend’s waist to keep himself from sliding down. Roman wasted no time with kissing, immediately attacking Janus’ neck with his teeth and scraping the skin slightly before biting down on his flesh. Janus arched his back as a lustful moan escaped his lips, squirming under the older boy as Roman nibbled on his neck. 

Janus tangled his hands in Roman’s soft locks, momentarily realizing that his boyfriend’s hair was shorter than Remus’. His thoughts were interrupted when Roman bit down hard on one of his sweet spots, giving a few wet licks to the bruise before continuing his assault on Janus’ skin. Roman winced a little when the younger boy tucked on his hair before abandoning his work on his boyfriend’s neck and diving back in for a heated kiss. 

Janus’ mind was too fogged up to differentiate the person that was ravishing him. The situation felt too familiar and the body was too similar to the one that once held him to prevent the disaster which was due to come. 

„Ah~ fuck, need more, Remus,” Janus moaned out and suddenly the world seemed to stop moving. 

There was nothing but silence and Roman’s horrified look as the words registered in Janus’ mind. Janus felt like vomiting when the older boy dropped him to the ground and Janus stumbled to keep himself up with his legs which felt like jelly under him. Roman took a cautious step backwards as if Janus was a threat he had only noticed at that moment. 

„You called me Remus,” Roman’s voice cracked at the end but his words weren’t meant to pose a question. It was a firm statement. 

Roman looked at the other in disbelief and probably anger but his emotions were too mixed up to separate them from each other. Janus was swatting nervously, mentally scolding himself for being so irresponsible and uncareful. The moment seemed to drag on forever, and Janus realized too late that Roman was waiting for him to deny the accusation. 

When Janus noticed his obvious mistake, he tried to speak up but Roman was already erupting into hysteric laughter which was even more shocking but not less terrifying. 

„Oh my gosh, you absolute fucking WHORE” Roman gasped between bits of manic giggles, his eyes turning dangerously dark. 

Janus visibly shuddered under his gaze and he backed himself up against the wall to support himself lest he fainted. He had never seen Roman like this before, this threatening and cold. The sight left chills running down Janus’ spine, cold sweat collecting on his forehead as the other boy watched him with an amused smile. 

„You slept with my brother!” Roman exclaimed as if it was a big announcement to the whole world. It was morbid and petrifying, but Roman seemed genuinely relieved as he connected the dots inside his head. 

„YOU. SLEPT. WITH. MY. FUCKING. BROTHER.” Roman repeated with quiet sobs cracking his voice but eyes still shining with utter hatred. 

Janus’ body didn’t react to his commend to just frickin’ **move**. DO SOMETHING – Janus shouted at himself but his feet were firmly planted in the ground in fright, unable to do anything but stare at Roman with shameful tears burning his eyes. 

„Please, Roman-” Janus was not sure what he had wanted to say, what could possibly make everything right, but Roman seemed uninterested for his words. 

„Save it,” Roman declared emotionlessly, his previous anger morphing into clear disgust as he regarded the other with one final look. Roman walked to the door with head held high, watching the way Janus flinched at his proximity and ignoring the loud hiccups which broke the silence of the room. „I never want to see you again.” 

The door shut close behind Roman with a thunderous slam. Janus fought to regulate his breathing but all he could do in the loneliness of the room is to whisper those two words over and over again, without having anyone to listen to his pitiful crying: 

„I’m sorry.” 

  
***  


Roman had no recollection of his way back home, only the swirling thoughts and feelings which temporarily numbed his ability to sense anything of the outside world. The only thing he knew was that in one moment he was storming out of his boy… his ex-boyfriend’s house and in the next minute, he was punching his brother square in the jaw. Remus swayed on his feet as he tried to uncover the reason behind his brother’s seemingly unreasonable actions. 

„I don’t know what got you so rilled up, Ro, but we both know you can’t win a fight against me. How about we drop this fight before you drop your dignity?” 

Remus’ smug answer just angered the other further and Roman couldn’t see anything but the blinding red of his furry as he lashed onto his brother, sending both of them tumbling to the ground. They rolled on the floor, exchanging some badly delivered punches while Remus was slightly cackling to himself. 

„You’re gonna pass out if you keep up this hard breathing, idiot,” Remus warned him but the last thing Roman needed was his brother’s concern when he knew all too well how little his brother cared about his feelings. 

„You never let me have anything, do you!?” Roman shouted, kicking Remus where it hurt the most when they managed to get back on their feet. 

Remus hunched over in pain, hissing as the sharp sensation bolted through him. His expression darkened in matching anger but the maniac smile never seemed to leave his face, even as he straightened himself while Roman watched him with tearful eyes. Remus cocked his head sideways in puzzlement, oblivious to why his brother would start crying during one of their usual banters – well, he gathered that this was a special occasion. 

„What’s that stick up your butt, bro?” Remus asked mockingly but his teasing smile faltered as Roman’s voice cracked weakly in answer. 

„You stole him from me,” 

Roman never knew he would be able to witness the pure and uncontrolled terror as it spread over his brother’s face, but something about that mortified expression satisfied him. It would not compensate for his wrongdoing, but Roman regarded it as a sign of guilt or at least some kind of remorse, and he was eager to see more pain inflicted on his brother. 

„You’re not even asking who I’m talking about,” Roman stated coolly, loving how Remus had to swallow back the sickness coming up his throat. 

„SAY SOMETHING!” 

Remus’ lips parted and closed several times like a gaping fish fighting for oxygen. Granted, it was a strenuous work to breathe while Roman was looking at him with such fury and hurt, accompanied by hot tears running down the side of his face as the silence stretched on. 

„You used him,” The words cut into Remus’ heart mercilessly, but before he could deny any of his brother’s accusations, Roman was already ranting with his fists clenched at his sides. „You took away the only person that I deeply cared about and manipulated him just so you could prove your superiority?” When Remus wanted to protest, Roman silenced him with one quick blow to the jaw, „HE WAS MY FIRST BOYFRIEND! And you stole him from me just so you could play your sick games all over again! How many times do you need to prove it to me that you are the favoured twin, hah?! I know what people think in school, I’m not as dense as you picture me. You are the popular and fun twin who can get into any guy’s pant with just a simple wink. I, on the other hand, am a drama geek who is so dull and uninteresting that he has to leave in his brother’s shadow so people will notice him!” 

Remus was torn between staring at his brother and choking on his half-finished sentences. He had been too caught up in his own problems to realize that Roman was walking in the same shoes. His twin always seemed so confident and ambitious. Apparently, his insecurities ran deeper than Remus was aware of, and now the guilt was only duplicated by his brother’s confession. 

„I’m sick and tired of being your dramatic and oversensitive little brother! I know I am a failure but do you always have to rub it in my face?!” 

Roman was outright crying now, done masking the clear betrayal on his face while Remus finally gathered enough spirit inside him to approach his shaking brother. He only moved a few inches closer, afraid that Roman would run off or start hitting him again. Not like he deserved forgiveness, but owned his brother an explanation. 

„You’re right,” 

Roman’s shoulders slagged at the admission, clearly expecting dishonesty and fervent denial. The enraged brother was shaken to realize that they were no longer the inseparable twins that they used to be in their childhood, and as time advanced, an invisible canyon had formed between the two of them. This Remus was different. His brother had changed within the years they had spent with drifting farther away from each other. Roman could not recognize the man before him. 

„Can you just give me a chance to explain?” 

Roman rolled his eyes in disbelief, but a youthful voice inside his head insisted that he let his brother talk, and since he had never been able to fight his curiosity, he allowed his brother to continue. 

„I did want to sleep with Janus so I could prove that I was better than you,” Remus admitted once again, and quickly dodged the punch he was already anticipating from his brother, „The reason why I wanted to steal him from you was to finally feel like I was worthy of affection, too!” 

Roman’s movements stopped then. By now, Remus’ messy appearance equalled his brother’s. His face was red either from anger or shame – it was hard to tell - but Roman suspected it was both. As their fight came to an unexpected halt, Remus decided that honesty was the only way to go here and why shouldn’t he open up now when he had nothing to lose? 

„I had many boys trying to have their way with me, but do you think that any of them loved me?” Remus started with obvious frustration behind his words, „They didn’t give a fuck about me! They wanted to have some fun and then throw me away because that was how much they cared about me!” Remus’ confession lacked some details for the older boy did not wish to share his most intimate secrets. Like how he attempted to start a relationship with the first few guys but all of them left him after a few days. Or how broken he was when the first boy who he was intimate with started denying their affair, claiming that he was straight and he would never do it with another guy. There were many things Remus refused to share with his twin, and maybe that was the core of the problem. Roman used to be the only trustful person Remus could confide in, but along all those years of pent-up hurt and competitiveness, they lost that special bond. „You are different,” Remus said with a longing look in his eyes. „You always had great friends who would have done anything for you. Wherever we went, our parents were quick to boast about their gifted little boy,” Remus went on with years of anger pouring out of him, „and now you had a boyfriend who was simply the most gorgeous boy I had ever seen in my life! And it just wasn’t fair!” 

Roman was overwhelmed by the uncharacteristically honest statements. Remus had never discussed any of his insecurities with him, but he guessed that he was partly to blame for that. 

„I don’t understand,” Roman spoke up, still persistent and furious but also less enthusiastic about their fight, „You used him!” 

„I wanted to but when I finally had him?” Remus replied with a sad smile, „That was because I was genuinely interested in him. For the first time,” Remus debated whether if he should confess his true feelings, but if honesty worked so far, then why not tell the whole truth? „Roman, I fell in love.” 

Roman’s expression was unreadable but by the clenching of his jaw, Remus didn’t anticipate any positive reactions. 

„You’re lying!” Roman burst out, hating the way his anger began to subside as Remus’ genuine feelings were laid out in the open. 

„I wish I was.” Remus admitted, scrunching his nose as if the thought itself was something unpleasant. „But when I asked him to break up with you… he chose you.” Remus huffed in annoyance, mirroring Roman’s bitter attitude, „Of course, he did! Let’s be honest, out of the two of us, you’re the sensible choice. I never had a chance against charming, romantic, perfect little Roman.” 

The venomous words hit a chord in both twins’ hearts but there was only one sentence echoing inside Roman’s mind. 

„He chose me?” 

Remus looked at him with narrowed eyes, turning away from him halfway as if just looking at his brother was too painful. 

„That’s what you wanted to hear? You can be happy now, you’re officially the superior twin!” Remus announced with faux enthusiasm, „You always were.” 

The seconds ticked by without progress. Remus lay on his bed, replaying his argument with Janus from just a week ago and wishing not for the first time that he had had the brains to avoid a boy who was sure to break his heart like all the others did before. 

„I don’t know if I loved him.” 

Remus turned his head quizzically towards his brother as Roman sat down on the bed beside him. 

„But you were so smitten. You were always talking about him.” Remus argued but Roman only shook his head. 

„Yes, because I finally had something you didn’t,” Roman explained with surprise clear on his features as if he was just discovering the truth now. „But he never said that he loved me. And I never said it either.” 

Remus was speechless, this new revelation was too confusing to deal with. All he wanted was to get over Janus. Holding onto hope was futile and foolish. Roman locked eyes with Remus as if he was anticipating some kind of confirmation or reassurance. When no answer came, Roman took in a sharp breath. 

„He told you, right? He said he loved you.” 

Roman knew the answer when Remus turned his head away in embarrassment. The truth stang but surprisingly it didn’t hurt that much anymore. However, Roman was still angry at his brother for the betrayal and years of hurt didn’t disappear overnight. 

„We were fighting, he didn’t mean it.” Remus spoke up as if he had to explain himself. Roman only scoffed, a bitter laugh filling the room. 

„I guess you are the favoured brother after all.” Roman murmured and Remus was once again battling with the guilt and shame that he was carrying for so long. And he would have to carry it for a long time in the future. 

„What now?” Remus asked, pushing himself up into a sitting position as he tried to analyze his brother’s every movement. 

„I need time alone.” Roman said, eyes hardening in determination, „I don’t want to see you for a long time. Neither of you.” 

Remus nodded to show he understood his brother’s demands. Honestly, he didn’t expect anything more. When Roman stood up to leave the room – and possibly avoid his brother for at least a week – Remus felt the need to confess one last thing. 

„I’m sorry, Roman.” And he meant it. 

Roman stopped in the door, contemplating if he should give a response or not, and then finally, he fixed his brother with a cold stare. 

„Good,” Roman stated before turning away from his brother. „You should be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe me if I told you that I was actually a Roceit shipper?


	8. The same person that I need is the one I'm running from

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These nights were the worst. When the loneliness crawled through the crack at his door and crept into his bed unnoticed to settle heavily onto his chest and suffocate him with the pressure of his self-indulgent guilt. Janus hated how much he missed Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's another (and officially the last) smut chapter!! This part contains **explicit sexual content** and a bit of **angst**.
> 
> During the weekdays, I probably won't be able to upload the last two chapters but I'll try to update as soon as possible.  
> Anyway, enjoy!

These nights were the worst. When the loneliness crawled through the crack at his door and crept into his bed unnoticed to settle heavily onto his chest and suffocate him with the pressure of his self-indulgent guilt. Janus hated how much he missed Remus. All those memories hunted him in the dark when there was no one to console him or provide physical comfort against the coldness of the night and he couldn’t escape from the mental images of the other boy. All that time they spent together, the bickering, the teasing, all those shared jokes and Netflix marathons. Even when they weren’t fucking, Janus indulged in the subtle glances, the quiet laughs and soft words whispered in the secrecy of the night. Janus didn’t know how Remus felt – for all he knew, it could have only been a joke to the other - but his intuition told him that it was more. Anyhow, Janus had shared so much of his soul - and revealed the most guarded places of his heart – that letting go was no walk in the park for him. In all honesty, it was probably the hardest thing he had ever done. He needed to lose everything to realize what was truly precious to him. 

The constant longing and unduly pain of the heartbreak were almost omnipresent. Janus learnt various ways to ignore the thoughts that invaded his mind in the most sudden moments. However, this feeling was different. Dare he say, it was the worst. 

The need. The yearning for the other’s touch and not finding satisfaction or release for his cravings. No matter how hard he tried to keep his mind off of the older boy, his thoughts always wandered back to Remus. 

Janus’ body was heating up, his semi-hard cock throbbing under the covers. _Well, a little fantasizing wouldn’t hurt. Maybe it would help me move on._ Janus murmured those words in the dark, justifying his next actions for himself as he brought one hand up to caress his sides. He was slightly sweating under the covers so he threw the blankets away and made himself comfortable on his bed. If he was doing it, he would make it the most enjoyable he could. 

Sneaking a hand down his abdomen, faintly shivering at the barely-there touch of his fingertips, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of his boxers and decided to tease himself a little. He desperately searched his mind for any kind of fantasy that would help in this situation, but his brain was known to betray him in crucial times and it was no different now. He took in a sharp breath when his mind finally came across with the perfect memory for some fantasizing. It was embarrassing to imagine the boy he had hurt and used for his own selfish reasons, the very embodiment of his sins reappearing before his eyes like a mind-tattoo. It was inevitable so Janus let his thoughts wander freely back in time to the moment he was looking for. 

It was a flashback to an afternoon when Remus’ parents were at a parent-teacher conference with Roman and therefore the two of them had free usage over the house. Janus was not surprised at the invitation, however, he was genuinely shocked when Remus announced they should watch videos together. They spent an hour just watching conspiracy theories and documentaries about famous killers while cuddling up to each other. It was one of the moments Janus held dear. 

One moment, they were watching Buzzfeed unsolved in Remus’ room, and in the next instant, Remus was licking into his mouth purposefully. Janus allowed entrance to the other’s tongue and let Remus control the kiss which soon grew frantic as the undeniable need engulfed them. Remus put the laptop on the floor and hurriedly climbed back to join his lover on the sheets. He situated himself between Janus’ thighs and recaptured those pink lips while he slowly stroked the other’s legs. Janus was fiercely holding onto Remus’ shoulders as the boy excessively explored his mouth and left sloppy kisses along his jawline. Janus nipped at the other’s ears, urging him on as they rutted against each other. Remus bit his lips then, eliciting a throaty moan from the boy beneath him which quite visibly left the older boy excited and full of ideas. Remus was always the one who encouraged Janus to explore and satisfy his curiosity – especially in the bedroom – and he was also the deviser of many scenarios. And at that moment, Remus felt adventurous. 

He discarded Janus’ shirt, his pants soon joining the garment in the far end of the room. Janus let out a needy groan when Remus attacked one of his nipples with his mouth, his tongue gently flicking over the bud while his hands crept down to massage Janus’ hardening manhood. The younger boy tangled one hand in Remus’ hair while tucking on his shirt with urgency. 

„So eager,” Remus teased and Janus had no willpower to fight the accusation. 

„Wanna touch you,” He whined and much to his surprise, Remus quickly got rid of the bothersome piece of clothing. Janus’ fingers raked down his back as Remus sucked on his skin with the cruel intention of leaving bite marks and kitten licks all over his upper body. Janus arched his back at the feeling of Remus’ hot mouth over his nipples, grateful that the other returned his attention to the sensitive areas. 

When Janus tipped his head back in pleasure, Remus seized the chance to assault the exposed flesh on the other’s neck. He mouthed at Janus’ Adam’s apple, growing harder at the sound of another needy moan escaping his lover. 

In the present, Janus sneaked one hand down to his boxers to massage his erection over the fabric while indulging in the sensual (and depressing) memories. He groaned at the feeling and decided to play with his nipples while imaging someone else’s push lips wrapping around them. He bucked his hips into his hands, his underwear quickly turning wet at the front. Janus licked his lips as he played the memory in slow-motion in his mind. 

Remus removed his left hand from Janus’s thighs and grabbed a hold of his hair to gently yank the other’s head up, granting him more access to the slick skin under his tongue. Janus’ neck was covered in bite marks and saliva, his mind too foggy to notice when the boy above him grabbed the hem of his boxers and pulled it past his hips. When Janus recognised the other’s intentions, he raised his waist a little so that the underwear could slide down his legs effortlessly. Remus licked a long stripe up from Janus’ collarbone to his ears before pushing himself up onto his elbows and sending the boy beneath him a predatory smile. With one last wink, Remus moved down until he was face to face with Janus’ leaking cock. 

For a moment, the older boy let himself admire his partner who laid all spread out on his bed just for his desires. Remus recalled the first time they were intimate while placing soft kisses across the other boy’s hard member and relishing in the shaky breaths that they induced. Oh, how reluctant and ashamed Janus was while the older boy sucked him off in the bathroom of the movie theatre during their first time. How things had changed, Remus thought contently while he slowly wrapped his mouth around the head and licked the underside of Janus’ shaft just so he could be rewarded with the sight of his lover closing his eyes in overwhelming bliss. 

Remus rubbed the pale skin of Janus’ thighs, keeping his eyes slightly open to watch the other roll his eyes back while Remus swirled his tongue around his cock expertly. Remus relished the feeling of Janus’ member sitting heavily on his tongue, the head occasionally hitting the back of his throat which only resulted in him moaning louder around the dick inside his mouth. Janus shuddered and groaned as the other abused his cock, a bit nervous that he would come too soon under the attention of Remus’ talented tongue but savouring the feeling nevertheless. Remus loved the taste of the younger boy buried in his warm mouth, and he would have gladly continued his movements in order to actually taste the other boy as he marked him from the inside, however, Janus apparently had other plans. The shorter boy tapped Remus’ shoulder – a sign they had recently started to use whenever Janus was unable to voice his disagreement – and the older boy quickly removed himself off of the other. Remus glanced up at him in worry but gave Janus a reassuring smile which meant to convey that it was okay if the other wanted to stop. 

Janus shook his head, taking a few calming breaths before letting out an airy laugh. 

„Sorry… It’s just… If you kept going like that,” Janus then chuckled and his eyes drifted down to capture Remus’ gaze, his pupils dilating in want which made a great contrast between his dangerously dark eyes and his flushed red cheeks. „I would not be able to carry out my plan.” 

Remus had never seen Janus look so determined and he involuntarily swallowed under the weight of the other’s intense stare. It was a much darker – much more feral – side of the younger boy that surprisingly appealed to Remus. It was hot, to simply put it. It left the reckless boy with fantasies of a demanding and dominant Janus who was not afraid to take what he wanted and was not scared to destroy Remus in the most beautiful and violent ways possible. 

„Your plan?” Remus asked, blood rushing to his head and some other parts of his body, too. 

The older boy let out a yelp when Janus pulled him up towards his head and sealed their mouths in a burning kiss. Remus was too engaged to notice the way the other boy sneaked his legs around his hips and with one swift motion switched their positions on the bed. Remus landed on his back with a soft thud, the collision knocking a blow of air out of him that was soon swallowed by Janus’ lips. Their tongues danced in a heated duel while Janus pressed his linger body down onto Remus’ warm flesh. Their bodies rocked together in a languid motion, creating a sweet fraction as their skin slid together. Slowly, their kisses grew more sloppy and less frequent. It was mostly just the hot air that mingled between them as they panted into each other’s ears sensually. 

Remus grunted and wailed, his sweaty hands stroking the other boy’s hips bruisingly as Janus leaned down to his ears. He slightly bit down on the flesh there before his drumming voice could slur out his next words: 

„I want to ride you.” 

Remus nearly came right then and there and was eventually glad that he could contain himself enough to prevent himself from spoiling their fun. Instead, Remus clumsily climbed out from under Janus to retrieve a bottle of lube and reposition himself on his back once he found the item inside his bedside table (He started to rather like the feeling of a body pressing him into the mattress). He purred a generous amount onto his fingers and rubbed the digits together to warm the liquid, meanwhile enjoying the way Janus pressed their hips together in a steady rhythm. 

In the present, Janus kept stroking himself while reaching around and circling one lubed up finger around his hole in a teasing manner. The mental images of the memory flashed before his eyes and he moaned deep in his throat as a finger entered him, remembering the way that Remus’ finger slid inside him. Janus recalled the way his walls clenched around the digits, squirming and groaning at the stretch while his hands trailed down the other’s torso. His nails dug into Remus’ flesh and judging from the sounds that Remus let out, he was quite enjoying the pain. 

Every touch was intoxicating and yet, not enough. Janus rocked back on Remus’ finger which earned him a second one burying itself inside him. Remus curled his fingers slightly, grazing the other’s walls in a feverish search while he inhaled the blissful sounds that filled the room. As he tried to relax his muscles, Janus breathed into the older boy’s neck while leaving long licks and deep bites as payback for Remus’ previous escapades. A third finger was soon added, stretching the younger boy wilder and driving him even further towards the edge. 

„Remus- fuck… get in me or I won’t last.” Janus warned and with a few more pumps, Remus removed his fingers and wiped them into the mattress (he would have to wash it later, anyway) before seizing the bottle and coating his member in lube to make the slide easier. He was too worked up to fumble with a condom but fortunately, he was tested regularly and Janus had no other sexual partners now or prior to him (Remus desperately hoped). 

He pulled the younger boy into a searing kiss which was occasionally interrupted by playful bites and needy moans. Janus was the one to break away, growing restless from all the teasing and yearning for something more. He positioned himself above the other boy and shuddered as the tip of his shaft brushed along his entrance. Janus took a few breaths, nodding his head in approval when Remus asked him if he was ready. 

„I need verbal confirmation, Jan.” Remus pressed, teasing Janus’ hole with the head until the other groaned in irritation. 

„Fuck you,” The younger boy remarked, leaving slight bruises with his nails on Remus’ torso as revenge. 

„Oh no, fuck you, my little slut,” Remus laughed darkly, grabbing Janus’ ass and stroking the cheeks playfully. 

„Don’t call me that!”Janus protested but squealed when he felt the other palming his backside. 

„But you like it~” Remus slurred and flashed a mischievous smile back at the shorter boy when his comment was met with a death glare. 

„GET. IN. ME. NOW!” Janus growled, digging his nails deeper into Remus’s skin. 

„So bossy-” 

Remus erupted into a loud moan when Janus had enough of his petty games and slid down on the cock underneath him. He hissed in a mix of pain and pleasure as his walls stretched willingly to welcome more of Remus in, both teenagers grunting and gasping as the older boy slowly buried himself to the full while getting lost in the tight heat that surrounded him. Janus whimpered when Remus finally bottomed out, feeling so open and full and complete. He absolutely loved these moments where they were connected in the deepest ways possible. It created a false sense of belonging. 

Remus ghosted his lips along Janus’ neck and collarbone as he waited for his partner to adjust. He played with the short locks on the back of Janus’ head while murmuring sweet nothingness and praise into the other’s ear. When Janus started to move his hips, Remus gripped his waist a bit more securely to aid the other up from his position and onto his knees. Janus almost slipped off of him but at the last moment he slammed back down with full force, eliciting thunderous moans from both of them. The shorter boy was eager to repeat his endeavour, rising up again and sinking down on Remus’ cock with increasing enthusiasm. Remus was thrown back by the sheer talent and passion that the other showed for their position, riding Remus relentlessly and bouncing on the dick engulfed in him like he had done it a million times before. Remus was trying to concentrate on his breathing, but his heart was racing faster by every contact their bodies made in the darkness of the room. 

Only heat, lust and the sound of skin slapping against each other remained when Remus’ senses were overloaded with merciful pleasure. He was unsure of what to focus on: how Janus clenched around his dick more forcefully with every slide, how Janus was panting and groaning above him while his sweat-slick bangs flew in front of his eyes, or how intoxicating it felt to hear the other boy moan his name – those soft and swollen lips hanging open in a silent scream every time Remus’ dick filled up the boy. Remus had never seen anything sexier than Janus controlling their actions and deciding to try something new for his own pleasure, then taking everything from Remus the way he served it. 

„Fuck, Remus-” Janus heaved, rocking his hips and reducing Remus to a mumbling mess. 

„Baby, you’re doing amazing!” Remus managed to get out, pushing himself up on the bed and grabbing Janus’s thick thighs to follow his partner as he rose and fell. 

Janus screamed on top of him as the new position drove Remus deeper inside him, his cock brushing against the shorter boy’s sweet spot. Remus let go of all control, allowing Janus to use his dick to pleasure himself by slamming down on Remus’ manhood with precise movements to hit his prostate. Janus felt like exploding from all the stimulation and when Remus’ hand wrapped around his pulsing and red cock, he yelled out Remus’ name as his release coated their bodies and the other’s hand. Remus’ body shook with the intensity of his upcoming orgasm, letting out a howl as he buried his semen inside Janus’ ass. Remus kept rocking his hips slowly while planting kisses to every inch of skin he could reach. Janus was clinging to him by the shoulders, as his body grew numb and oversensitive after his climax. He wailed and grunted as Remus kept slamming into him, enjoying as the other’s release filled him up and started dripping out of him. 

They collapsed on the bed together with Remus still buried inside the other and their breathing still unlabored. Remus felt sweaty and used, but in the best way possible. He rolled over to face the gorgeous boy beside him while Janus flashed him a dopey smile from between the cushions. 

„Well, that was not pleasurable at all,” Janus giggled sarcastically as he intertwined their fingers atop his belly. Remus scooted closer, his eyes softening as he basked in the beauty of his lover, asking the universe how he got so lucky. 

„I love you.” 

Their increased heartbeats sounded deafening in the thick silence. Janus looked at the other with utter disbelief and maybe even fear as Remus placed a tender kiss on his knuckles. 

„You don’t have to say it back. Just wanted you to know.” 

Remus then placed his head on Janus’ chest, listening to the other’s heartbeat as he dozed off into a peaceful sleep. He was unaware of the quivering boy above him, nor did he hear the wrecked sobs that erupted from Janus as they laid there together like two pathetic cheats whose tragic story was nowhere near the end.


	9. Love isn't easy, it's heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „Will you at least say goodbye?”  
> „Why would I?”  
> „Cause you’re leaving for college?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back with another part! Don't worry, guys, this is the last angsty chapter! ^w^  
> I was a bit tired when I wrote this but I hope you'll still be satisfied with the result!
> 
> The song mentioned in this chapter is **'Stupid'** by Ashnikko.

**3 months later**

Remus was convinced that Roman had reached his ultimate level of idiocy when he had asked him to help him pick an outfit for his date. He felt obsolete and deemed the whole ordeal unnecessary for two main reasons. First – although Remus would never play for Roman’s ego by admitting that his brother was more fashionable than him - it was evident that Roman was an expert at dressing up appropriately for any occasion while Remus was simply uncaring for the origin or brand of his favourite garments. He prefered dressing according to his own unique style than following some fashion nonsense. However, Remus couldn’t deny that his brother had a talent at presenting himself. Second, his brother’s pity party was nowhere justified since he was meeting up with the person he had been friends with for more than 13 years. 

„Should I put on the jacket or leave it?” Roman asked from the mirror, examining his reflection while Remus was currently sprawled across his brother’s bed. 

„Depends. If you plan to give him a private show then leave it on, if you’d rather jump him after the date then I think you should forget the jacket.” 

„WE’RE NOT GONNA HAVE SEX!” Roman squealed in a way only a true virgin can when they are confronted with the possibility of intercourse, „Argh, you’re so useless!” 

„You asked for my opinion,” Remus reminded him with a sly smile, „I’m just trying to help! If I’m good at anything, then it’s seduction and sex.” 

Roman grimaced at his brother’s inappropriate comment and questioned his sanity for the umpteenth time that day. Why he’d believed that his brother would be of any assist escaped his understanding. 

„I think I’ll leave it on,” Roman finally announced with a satisfied look as if it was the hardest decision of his life and therefore a great achievement. His smile faded into a horrified look, however, when he heard his mother’s shout from downstairs. 

„Honey, Virgil is here!” His mother’s cheery voice was in stark contrast with the utter terror reflecting on Roman’s features. Remus eyed him with mirth dancing on his lips before having mercy on his brother – because he was generous like that – and jumping to his feet to stare into the snow-white face of his brother. 

„Don’t come home until you lost your virginity,” Remus’ remark earned him a smack on the head and Roman’s disapproving (although flustered) glare. Lewd comment aside, Roman seemed to return to his senses, his fear slowly replaced by anticipation. 

„Coming!” Roman shouted, hoping that his voice didn’t give away any sign of insecurity which had been lurking on him since the beginning of the day. Roman threw his door open as if he was the protagonist of a cheap romantic movie and made his way down the stairs with needlessly slow steps. Remus rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics but smiled regardless when he saw Virgil’s face change at least 10 shades of pink upon setting eyes on his boyfriend. 

Remus watched the disgustingly cute scene as Roman and Virgil greeted each other with equally flushed faces as if they hadn’t known each other since kindergarten. Remus thought it was about time those two lovestruck idiots acknowledged their obvious attraction towards each other. Honestly, everybody had seen it coming. Roman even pouted at their friend’s lack of surprise when he had announced the great news: Virgil and he had officially started dating. 

Like everything in recent times, witnessing the scene of the two lovers was bittersweet. Remus was happy for his brother, he truly was. Roman had finally found someone who loved him unconditionally and with complete devotion. He deserved to experience the kind of fairytale love he dad been dreaming of since he was a kid, even if he had been too oblivious to recognize the true happiness that awaited him. Remus’ smile wavered as memories flashed before his eyes, reminding him of his own Prince Charming who turned out to be just a lying frog. 

„Have fun, dorks! Use protection!” Remus chirped, feeling pleased when Roman ducked his head in shame and Virgil easily flipped him off with a blank stare. As the couple was about to depart, Roman turned back towards his brother who meanwhile settled into the comfortable pillow nest he had built for his special evening plans: watching horror movies until he was hallucinating serial killers in the place of the floor lamp. 

„You should call him.” 

Remus pretended to not hear his brother’s words, or see the hard but expectant look on his face, but his attempts at ignorance failed miserably when Roman’s gaze on him didn’t falter and instead lingered on Remus’ tense frame. 

„I don’t know who you’re talking about,” Remus denied, but Roman’s idiocy apparently wasn’t as infinite as Remus had presumed, and his brother’s tendencies to overlook sings regarding other people’s emotional states were also ignored today. Remus fiddled with the remote nonchalantly before he heard the loud steps approaching and felt the object being yanked out of his hand. „Jerk, give it back!” 

„You’re pathetic,” Roman stated, gaining a few figurative daggers from his brother as they stared each other down. 

„I’m not gonna take advice from someone who had spent the whole day freaking out about a simple movie date with his long-time friend/boyfriend,” Remus remarked but Roman didn’t seem wounded at his words, rather, he shot his brother a pitiful look. 

„I’m not mad,” And as if he understood the message conveyed by his brother’s highly raised eyebrow, Roman rushed to correct his statement, „Ok, maybe I’m a little mad. Doesn’t matter. I moved on and now it’s time for you to do the same!” 

Remus was sceptical about the sincerity of his brother’s words. Roman was the kind of person to bury his feelings deep inside him and to guard them against the prying eyes of the world as if they were something fragile and fleeting. Dishonestly was no stranger in their household, after all. 

„I’m doing just that,” Remus responded eventually with a vague gesture towards his pile of pillows and two bowls of popcorn propped carefully in his nest. 

„What I meant,” Roman gritted out in frustration, tossing the remote back at his brother’s chest, „You should move past your pride and stop this pity party already because I can’t handle another night with a drunken Remus singing ’Stupid’ at 2 in the morning.” 

Remus furrowed brows were joined by an angry pout as the teenager tried to fold his arms in front of himself like a shield against Virgil’s mocking laughs. He didn’t like being called out like that. 

„I’m over him,” Remus stated defensively, finding comfort in hugging the only companion he had at the moment: his octopus-shaped plush animal. 

„No, you’re not. Look at you! All you’ve done during the summer is to mop around the house and watch The 100 episodes on Netflix while making comments about how you and Janus enjoyed bickering about the show!” 

Now Roman was just acting like a dick. Bringing up the darkest moments of his depressive and lonely summer was straight-up crossing the line. He didn’t need a reminder of all the times he had been inconsolably longing for the other boy, the first true love of his life. Besides that, Remus thought his behaviour was justified and reasonable. After a tough heartbreak, he deserved some time to mourn the loss of his dignity and the love-filled future he would never get. 

„Do you want me to punch you, asshole?” 

„I just think you should call him. Talk it out. Forgive him.” 

Remus scoffed at the mere mention of such unfanthomable thing. It was easy for Roman to say such things because even though he had been tricked and cheated by Janus, Roman had never been in love with him in the first place and therefore couldn’t undergo the same torturous pain that had been tearing Remus’ heart in two. Not mentioning that Roman had another person in his life to fill the void. 

„Or is it that you can’t forgive yourself?” 

And where did Roman learn to read people so well? He wasn’t supposed to notice the self-hatred deeply rooted inside Remus’ soul, much less confront his brother about the issue. Remus’ eyes darkened where he buried his face behind the cushions which provided a false sense of safety from the outside world but especially from his brother. 

„Why don’t you just mind your own business?” Remus snapped, but his voice sounded more tired than resentful. 

„Fine! Go ahead and wallow in your own self-pity!” Roman’s dramatic sigh was followed by a series of disappointed and frustrated looks from the flamboyant twin before Roman grabbed Virgil by his arm and started towards the door. 

„Thank you!” Remus heaved in relief. 

As if he had remembered something on the way, Roman came to an abrupt halt at the doorstep and Remus impatiently waited for the lecture or accusation that was bound to come but he was not prepared for his brother’s next question. 

„Will you at least say goodbye?” 

There was something off about Roman’s voice. Remus couldn’t describe it, but it sounded as if his own pain was talking to him through his brother’s voice. And he wasn’t even drunk yet. 

„Why would I?” 

„Cause you’re leaving for college?” 

Right. He had planned to leave their town in less than 3 days to hopefully wipe his slate clean and chase his naive dreams of becoming a no-name artist in a big world full of unattainable hopes and a bunch of broken losers. He will fit right in. 

He had discussed this particular topic with Janus at one point of their strange relationship (if he could call it that) when the other boy had claimed that he would follow him wherever he went so they would never have to be alone. Remus gathered that it was just another lie disguised as a heartfelt promise. Although Janus had one more year in high school, Remus doubted that the boy would ever contact him again. They hadn’t talked since that faithful night when Remus discovered the other’s true nature, but in any case, Remus had mentioned where he was going to college so it would be no problem for Janus to find him if he wanted to. The problem – as Remus came to realize – was that neither of them was ready to welcome the other in their lives. Remus needed to be free in order to allow himself to grow as a person and discover his identity without anything or anyone chaining him down. In all honestly, the major reason why Remus was reluctant to reach out was the fact that he was not ready to forgive the other no matter how desperately his heart craved for Janus, and Janus only. He figured that the other boy was in a similar state, fighting his own battles with himself and the uncertainty of the future. Nevertheless, Remus believed that they just met at the wrong time and at the wrong place. Their first meeting was destined to happen differently, but second chances were difficult to earn. 

„I don’t have anything to say to him.” 

Remus was later thankful that Virgil ushered Roman outside without any further verbal exchanges. Remus watched three movies, ate a full box of vanilla and chocolate ice cream and two bowls of salty popcorn before the tremors stopped completely and he could fall asleep on the couch with wet tear stains adorning his cheeks and the plush octopus pressed firmly to his chest.


	10. All I need is one more day with him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He raised his head slowly as he approached his destination, a subtle smile dancing on his chapped lips as his eyes took in the sight of another man standing close to the edge of the cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! We are at the last chapter, and alas, at the end of the story. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who left (and will later leave) kudos and comments - I really appreciate them! ❤️ I didn't expect the feedback to be this good, and honestly, the main purpose of writing this story was to test whether I can write a longer fic or not. I'm actually proud of myself for finishing something that's been stored on my computer for months.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story and I hope you'll be satisfied with the ending! I think everything turned out the way I'd imagined it.
> 
> |I'll be elated if you leave a comment - I'm curious about your opinions! If there's any mistake, let me know, and I'll fix it as soon as possible!|

The light northern wind lifted his scarf gently towards his face to caress the slightly pink cheeks there which were getting even more prominent as the cold air stung his skin. It was a quiet autumn afternoon with the leaves tiredly shaking from the chilly breeze before they fell down to join their companions on the ground. His boots trudged up on the familiar path, majestic trees bowing their crowns for the old visitor as if they remembered his face from a darker day. 

He raised his head slowly as he approached his destination, a subtle smile dancing on his chapped lips as his eyes took in the sight of another man standing close to the edge of the cliff. The setting sun shone down at him the same way it did on that wonderful (although tragic) day, basking him in a golden shower as if he was the most beautiful phenomenon in existence, and therefore deserved nature’s undivided attention. 

He couldn’t argue with nature’s reasoning. 

He walked up to the man with something akin to excitement in his steps. They didn’t look at each other as they watched the last rays of the sun reflect on the buildings below them. Nothing had changed. And yet, it felt different to stand beside the man who once had been so important to him. 

He still was. Why should he lie about it now? 

He had long learned that lying about certain things – especially ones that held significance – was futile and foolish. Denying something obvious was a vain attempt to guard your own pride, and ultimately caused more problems than accepting the truth. 

Maybe that was the source of his uneasiness. Their surroundings – the trees, the buildings, the people – didn’t change. It was **them** who had gone through smaller changes which seemed drastic by the expanse of time. Now, they weren’t necessarily strangers, but they weren’t good friends either. They were dancing on a thin line which was ought to shred under the weight of their hidden feelings, the tension which had been building for years was ought to find release. 

„I think I liked you more with just the moustache,” He spoke up, earning a delighted scoff from the other man. Oh, how he reminisced about that laugh during the years of solitude! 

„Shut your butthole, I look smokin’ with the stubble.” Remus remarked, his eyes lightening up in mirth, „Aha, it even rhymed!” 

Janus chuckled at that, locking eyes with the man and taking the time to take a good look at his friend. His jawline looked sharper, and his cheeks had lost some of their puffiness which used to make him so charming and innocent (at first glance). Even his green eyes had taken over a darker shade, but there was something else too – maybe the effect of growing up – which changed entirely the way his eyes shone in the afternoon light. 

_He is just as beautiful as the day I met him_ – Janus thought fondly, - _even with the stubble._

„I see you got rid of the braces,” Remus teased and Janus punched him lightly in the shoulder for his comment. 

„I’ve been also working out so I can easily throw you down this cliff,” Janus warned playfully, smirking at the way Remus strolled closer to him. 

„I’d like to see you try, baby” He licked his lips purposefully, and Janus rolled his eyes in exchange, thankful that he could blame his blush on the cold weather. 

They looked at each other for a few seconds – maybe even minutes, who knows? - neither of them speaking in fear that they would break this fragile moment. Janus smiled down at the other softly, removing one of his hands from the pocket of his overcoat to gently cup Remus’s right cheek between his fingers. The other leaned into the touch, sighing contently at the warmth before flapping his long eyelashes up at the other man. 

„I hate that you’re taller than me now,” Remus commented with a nigh pout, making Janus’ smirk widen – a feature which used to be a constant for Remus, but now, even his playful smiles bore something heavier and something richer. 

„Really? But I can faintly remember that you had a thing for tall man back then, no?” Janus remarked, relishing the way Remus’ cheeks turned cherry red under his touch. It was such a lovely look on the older man. 

„I’m still a year older,” Remus bit back weakly. 

„You’re still childish,” Janus countered but quickly flashed the other man a reassuring smile, „But I always liked that about you.” 

Remus mirrored his smirk but the red flush on his ears gave away his flustered state. Their interaction felt different – the roles had changed between them, however, it was expected from the years of distance – but there was still something familiar in how they looked at each other or how they bantered like old friends despite both of them remembering the way they had parted. It felt like forgiveness, mutual understanding of the pain they had caused, the shame and guilt they had to bear, and the consequences of their actions committed by naive and greedy teenagers who were forced to pay a high price for their recklessness. They drifted apart in the past, and time had healed some bruises and made plenty of place for mercy and love. 

„It’s been five years,” Remus stated, leaning away from the touch and redirecting his gaze towards the flaming tongues of sunlight which still covered the darkening sky in a warm blanket before the night would settle over the city. His words were not intended to inform Janus of how much time had passed since they had broken apart, it was a simple acknowledgement of the changes that must have occurred in both of their lives, and maybe it was an olive branch meant to establish the foundations which they hoped to build on later. 

„I’ve seen your work,” Janus stated nonchalantly, „It’s impressive.” 

The corner of Remus’ lips twitched up at the news, straightening his posture under Janus’ watchful eyes. He had always hoped that the other man would see his achievements, and if only for a moment, he would be reminded of Remus and the time – regardless of how bittersweet it was – they spent together as lovestruck teenagers. 

„I bought some of your paintings,” Janus watched closely as Remus’ eyes widened in shock, his head snapping towards the taller man as if he was seeking some signs of dishonesty and found nothing, „I hired people to attend your auctions. Quite a fortune was wasted to win that one special painting, what was it called?” Janus feigned having to think about the name before looking straight into Remus’ sparkling eyes with a mischievous smile tugging at his lips, _„First love.”_

Remus’ blush spread like wildfire over his handsome features, eyes skimming to the ground in embarrassment as he recalled that particular work. He had made it in the first year of college when his emotions were drowning him in pity and unruly anger. Regardless of how much hatred filled his heart during that time, he had managed to draw a rather idyllic and colourful portrait in just a few hours. 

„So you’re saying that you have a portrait of yourself hanging in your house?” Remus joked light-heartedly and Janus laughed at the comeback. For years, that jingling laughter had lived only inside Remus’ dreams, and hearing it once again could only be compared to the feeling of coming home. 

„Don’t be a hypocrite. I know for sure that you’ve painted quite a few self-portraits over the years which you did not intend to put up for sale,” Janus mocked and Remus just batted his eyelashes up at him in faux innocence. 

„What can I say? I’m a work of art,” And to top it all, Remus wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making the other man giggle behind his raised hands. 

„You were always full of yourself,” Janus commented as he turned away from the other, watching the sunset as the first stars blinked down at them from the sky. 

They watched the scene in silence, enjoying each other’s company without superfluous words. It was nostalgic in a way. Janus didn’t hesitate to intertwine their fingers when Remus’ exploratory hand brushed lightly against his. They stood in the purple-ish light, just the two of them, without anybody else near to judge them. No more shame and no more hesitation. 

It didn’t matter what they have done or who they’ve been with in the last five years. It felt as if that time didn’t even happen, like an illusion, it passed them so that they could arrive to this place at this exact moment. To where they were always meant to be. 

Remus slid his hand out of Janus’ grip, the other man raising one questioning eyebrow as the shorter one extended his hand in a polite greeting. 

„Hi, my name is Remus, underrated artist and lazy horror fiction writer. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

Janus didn’t know if he should laugh or cry in the utter joy he felt, so he just let his instincts take over. He took the other man’s hand firmly and shook it with a fond smile on his face. 

„I’m Janus, civil rights attorney, or at least, aiming to be one.” His eyes sparkled as he let a wayward tear roll down his face. Both men laughed at the absurdity of their situation but neither of them cared about how stupid they must have looked as they stood there with joined hands and matching smiles plastered on their faces. 

Their hands remained laced together as they inhaled sharply. 

„So…” Remus started with a smug twinkle in his eyes, „You wanna fuck?” 

Janus erupted into gleeful laughter, his body shaking hysterically as he shook his head. He couldn’t stop the affectionate smile which stretched over his lips when he realized that the man he had loved and yearned for was finally in front of him, within arm’s reach, and nothing could stop them from rewriting their faith the way it should have happened. 

„Of course,” Janus declared in mock sarcasm before his gaze shifted to something more serious, „But buy me dinner first,” 

Remus gave him a sly smile before pulling him flush against his body by their locked hands. Their breaths mingled while Remus slowly stroked Janus’ cheeks, the other man locking them in a loose embrace as they held each other close. A light breeze blew Janus’ scarf as their lips hovered just a few inches from each other. Remus’ hand slid down to the other man’s neck and his hot breath tickled Janus’ skin as he whispered: 

„That can be arranged, snakey face,” 

Janus’ protest against the nickname was muffled as their mouths connected. Their lips moved together as if no time had passed at all, the familiar dance of their tongues igniting an almost forgotten flame inside them which had been waiting to reawaken since the moment they had parted. Janus smiled into the kiss, the sun beaming up at the lovers as it slipped below the horizon and for once in his life, Janus had felt peace overtake his soul. 

Life was a great teacher, and they both had paid their fees. 

It was now time for a long-awaited fresh start.


End file.
